He loves me, he loves me not

Prologue

Everyone sort of assumes we're dating.

He's on the football and swim team during the fall, baseball team during the spring. He's good looking, I'll admit that. All the girls at school swoon over him. It doesn't matter whether it's your first year or last year at Maconfeild, at one point in your four years here you're going to fall for him.

I'll admit I get a little jealous when girls come up to him at lunch and flirt with him. They play with his hair, hold his hand, some even give Andy their phone numbers. Andy always accepts them with a smile. He never calls them to ask them out. He calls to turn then down and ask them to simply be friends.

It makes me a little happy in the fact he doesn't pursue them. Whenever he gets their numbers he turns to me and says, "Don't worry". I always tell him I won't mind if he does ask one of them out. It's a lie, I know, but it's a lie to tell so hopefully we won't know I like him. When he turns them down, the girls give me dirty looks in the halls. I guess they think I'm the reason he said no.

In a way I think I am. Andy has told me before it's not me, he turns them down because he thinks they can do better. I hope that's he truth. If he's simply turning them down because of me, I would feel terrible. He shouldn't be saying turning down a relationship simply because of me. Andy needs to be happy, and I even though I wish I could make him happy, I know that is something I could never do.

I can make him happy as a friend, but not as a lover. I wish I could love him. But even if he said he loved me back, I wouldn't let him. He can do better. Andy knows what I've been through, he would understand why I can't let him love me. And I understand why I can't love Andy. He needs someone who... well isn't me.

You'll understand why he can't love me, and why I can't love him.

You'll see. No one can fall in love with Jude Lainsely.

But everyone can fall in love with Andrew Reffler.