Deeper (5SOS Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 29

I bust through the double doors, barreling into the hospital with shaking hands. I have to find her. Circling around with scattering eyes, I find the reception desk. The lady seems taken back & afraid by how demanding & fast I say my sister’s name, but gives me her room number & directions to it. A whispered thanks falls from my quivering lips as I climb the steps to the second floor. I know all too well the elevator would take too long. 

As I skip 2 steps on the stairs every time, I couldn’t be more thankful for strong legs. It seems like forever before I reach the floor Alice is on. My fast walking now turns into a full on sprint, a cold sweat trickling down my neck. I don’t even attempt to calm my uneasy breaths before I jerk open the door in which the receptionist said she was in. Inside the heavy wooden door is something that makes my heart stop dead in its tracks. Train wrecks & explosions go off in my brain, & my throat closes up, dry as a barren desert.

My sister lies motionless on a sterile & clean hospital bed, machines hooked up all around her with tubes poking into every open area of her skin. Her hair, disheveled & knotted, fans out across her pillow. Any other time, that would have calmed me down & made me smile. But this time, it’s different. A nurse walks in behind me & asks me something. But I barely hear her. I only push past her & squat down next to Alice. Fine & thin lips are pressed together, no longer displaying that beautiful smile or playing her contagious laugh. Bruises line her face, dark & heavy for all the world to see. The more I search her face, the more my blood boils. My fists clench & my jaw tightens, heart rate increasing with the anger & desire to obliterate the disgusting monster I call my father. He did this. Him. Not the alcohol, not the drugs, nor the guilt he placed on me for my mother’s death. Him.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, soft & warm. Glancing up, I find Lily. Her eyes are glistening with tears as her mouth is turned into a slight frown. She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it after a few tries. My head swirls with emotions, & I can’t even begin to think of what to say. Luckily, she speaks before me.

“Let’s go talk outside,” she whispers softly, backing up towards the door. Reluctantly, I get up & follow her out into the upstairs lobby. Alice’s room is in the children’s wing of the hospital. The walls are lined with elephants holding balloons & kittens playing with yarn. Such a shame, really. They try to make this place feel welcoming, when all I feel right now is intrusion & anxiety.

I turn to face Lily, who peers up at me with questioning eyes.

“I want you to tell me what you know. Everything you know,” she states firmly, straightening her back to seem taller. Running a hand through my curls, I turn around. I pace a bit, trying to sum up what happened into words. My hands shake vigorously when I look down at them. The lump in my throat is swallowed, as I try to explain what happened.

“I, uh, had some, v-voicemails when I opened up my phone. 2 to be exact. One from A-Al,” I try, finding it difficult to say her name. Giving up, I continue. “& the other from here. The first voicemail, was, was…” My voice cracks & falters as I bury my face into my hands. Instantly I feel her body on mine, her delicate hands smoothing the fabric on the back on my shirt. She coos to me as I heave my chest into hers.

“He-e bea-at h-her,” I hiccup over & over again. She shushes me more, running her hands through my hair & assuring me. Finally, I stand up straight, wiping the streaked tears from my face. “I-I need sometime alone with her,” I mutter, not wanting to meet her gaze.

“Of course, Ash. Of course.” she tells me, sympathetic eyes already forgiving my selfish action. She kisses my nose & heads out the door, turning around & looking back at me many times. I wave bye to her, weakly & clumsily. She returns the gesture until she turns the corner & goes out of sight.

I’m emotionless. Trudging back into the room, I sit on the guest chair & stare into space. I hear the nurse come in & say something about a coma, but I just nod drowsily. Nothing could affect me right now. Everything is blank. Empty. Gone.

Yet the longer I sit there, the more my mind screams at me. The longer I stare off into the big nothingness that is the foot of my sister’s hospital bed, the more I come to realize that this is my fault. I should have stayed at home. I should have protected her. My own sexual desires allowed my sister to be seriously injured. My own selfish acts were more important than my own flesh & blood. Jesus when will I ever stop fucking things up? Grasping my hair into my fingers, I fight the urge to scream. It’s your fault. You did this. 

Lily has only caused me harm. Sure, she made me happy, but Alice made me happy too. I abandoned Alice for Lily. The heartless thoughts pierce my ears, making me clench my jaw. I’m giving myself a headache, but I’m far from caring. I must get away. I must hide.

I must get away from Lily.

{btw its gonna be Ashton's POV from now on}