Dear Diary,
I am finally whole again. Ever since I fell off the train, I was never myself. Too this day I still don't know how I managed to survive that fall. It was believed that when I was captured during World War II, the experiments Dr. Zola did on my helped me survive the fall. Unfortunately, I was recaptured by Zola and turned into a monster, forced to kill innocent people.
I was the reason that the Avengers had their fight. Steve was on my side, as he always been, but even he can't save me. I was ordered to kill his parents, and I did. I didn't know what I was doing. It was the stuff in my head that was controlling me. I didn't want to kill anyone, but I had no choice. Their death was arranged to look like a car crash, but it was actually my fault. I understand why Tony hates me. Everybody hates me. I don't know how many people, innocent or not, I killed. Why did it have to be me?
I didn't ask to have my memories erased. I didn't ask to have a metal arm that is used to cause bloodshed. I didn't want to be torn apart and put back together only to serve the people I enlisted to fight against. I was turned into a brainwashed servent. A killing machine. A beacon of death. Death and destruction follow me wherever I go. I am covered in other people's blood, and the worst part is that I almost enjoyed it. It is because of me that Steve, my best friend who was practically a saint, is now a wanted war criminal. It is because of me that the Avengers are torn apart.
There are others like me, but they are dead. The Winter Soldier program is finally disbanded. I am the only remains of a program so terrible that it turned living human beings into monsters, freaks, demons. I was a shell of a man. I responded to nobody but my masters. The pain I endured can not be described. I could only watch from a distance as I beat up my best, and only friend, on that helicarrier.
Luckily, T'Challa finally saw my true intentions. He allowed me to stay in his country, Wakanda, and heal. His sister, Shuri, helped take the serum from my brain so I can live again. Today is my first day out of the freeze. It feels wonderful to see the sun and feel the wind, knowing that I can live without a danger of killing others.
I am not the Winter Soldier. I am Bucky and I have been given a second chance.
~Bucky (2-14-18)
