The Boy With the Cigarettes in his Pocket

6: Confessions

"Where are we going?" I ask, trying my best to keep up with a hurried Jamie, briskly walking ahead of me.

"You'll see,"

"I need to leave these to my caravan!"

"Where do you think we're going?"

"I don't know you won't tell me!"

"We're going to your caravan, god dammit!" Jamie finally snapped.

This is where I realised something. All through my life, I've been scared. Scared of heights, scared of snakes, scared of confrontation, scared of rejection and, most of all, scared of people. I've always been too scared to say what's on my mind in case I upset someone, or make them unhappy. I tip-toe around other people, and making myself unhappy in the process. And I always, always get scared when people get angry, That moment when Jamie snapped at me, I wasn't scared. I'm not scared now either. He was mad, he raised his voice, and I didn't cower. 

When we approach my caravan, I notice my Dad sitting out on the patio,drinking some red wine. I grab Jamie's hand and pull him to the side so he is out of view.

"You can't move, okay," I say in a hushed whisper.

"What?!"

"My parents can't know you're here, okay, they think you're a girl."

"Would you like to explain or?"

"I'll explain later, just do it, okay?"

Jamie nods and I creep round to the front of the caravan again, and begin to walk casually towards my father, eggs in hand.

"Hey Dad," I say, grinning at him.

"Hey Ro," he replies, setting down his glass. "What's up?"

"I, um, I'm just going to give the eggs to Mum and then I'm going to get changed and go out."

"With Jamie?"

I nod.

"Okay, I bet she's a lovely girl. See you, Ro!"

I think I can almost hear Jamie laughing at the side of the caravan.

I go into the kitchen and put the eggs in the fridge, explaining to Mum that I'm going out. Then I walk into my room and begin to rummage through my clothes, looking for something to wear. I realise that I can't go out looking like I do, but I don't have enough time to wash my hair or anything. I sigh as I replace my bikini with underwear and put on a laced white dress and a sleeveless cropped denim shirt. I put on a bit of eyeliner and foundation. 

Only then do I realise how much I'm going out of my way to impress Jamie.

When I walk out of my room my mum looks at me and says, "You look almost... girly."

Her face falls though when she sees that I'm wearing my Converse instead of the dressy brown wedges she bought for me to specially wear with this dress.

I rush out the door and run to see Jamie. He stands against the wall, one hand holding a cigarette and the other in his pocket. He smiles when he sees me.

"You look nice," he comments, flicking away his cigarette and walking towards me. "Shall we go?"

Jamie leads me to the entrance of the campsite. We flash our passes, as usual, and are permitted exit. 

"There's a train station in town, it's only a ten minute walk." Jamie tells me.

"Train?" I say, "But, I'm not allowed to get the train."