Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
A. OPENING
It's good that the first scene started with a conflict. It'll help keep your reader's attention. There's also tension. I immediately sensed the antagonism felt by the protagonist against the school she is enrolled in and what it represents.
I'm a bit puzzled though why the title is Simula. When I finished reading it, the event narrated is just a continuation of chapter 1. So I wanna ask if the information contained therein really require a separate part. Will it not work if you make it part of chapter 1? After all, chapter 1 is also the start of a novel. Or, perhaps this is your reason (image shown below)?
Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
If it is, why not make that the highlight of Simula. Instead of just telling us what the vampires did to her family, show us. Bring us to the day that that incident happened. At iyong mga naunang eksena, make that chapter 1.
Punctuation marks are not properly used as well. There are instances where period is more appropriate than comma, and vice versa.
Example where comma is used instead of period:
Tumambad sa'kin ang isang nurse na hindi ganoon katangkaran ngunit sobrang puti, hindi siya maganda.
Suggestion:
Tumambad sa 'kin ang isang nurse na hindi gaanong katangkaran ngunit sobrang puti. Hindi siya maganda.
Rearranging the sentence would make it even better.
Example:
Tumambad sa 'kin ang isang nurse na sobrang puti ngunit hindi gaanong katangkaran. Hindi rin siya maganda.
Example where period is used instead of comma:
She's here for a medical check-up. One of the requirements she missed to submit.
