The Sizes of My Infinities

Chapter 1

hi guys this is my first time trying to write a fanfic so I'm just gonna do my best. the good thing is that it's probably gonna be really bad so it can only go up from here :)

~LM

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I fly upright in my bed with my eyes wide open. My heart is pounding wildly from the nightmare I just had. Following my psychologist's orders, I lay back down on the soft mattress and try to lose myself in the silky sheets and mountain of fluffy pillows, but to no avail. I've suffered from terrible nightmares every night since I was ten because of my rough childhood. My parents took me to see numerous doctors and psychiatrists, but none of them had any plausible explanation of the dreams. As a last resort, I squeeze my eyes shut and begin the mental exercise that usually releases me from the strangling grip of the lasting terror that accompanies my nightmares:

My name is Ali Summit. I am nineteen years old. I am an Irish dancer. I play Morrighan, or the bad girl, in Lord of the Dance, Troupe 1. I am dating James Creegan, the male lead in the same LotD troupe as me. I am on tour in--

Wait, what country am I in? I fling back the covers and pad across the nicely decorated hotel room to find my phone, pausing to swear violently after stubbing my toe on a coffee table. I guess that's what I get for not bothering to turn on the lights. After finally locating my phone upside-down on a couch, I find out that 1) I'm in Dublin, Ireland and 2) it's 4:30 AM. I flop on the couch with a groan, realizing that since I have to be up in an hour and a half anyway, there's not much use in trying to go back to sleep. Besides, the nightmares would just return. The nightmare that recurrs the most is one in which I am alone in a dark, misty landscape with a sense of terror and foreboding. I see a light in the distance, and I run to it, but just before I reach it, the light is extinguished with a scream. I always wake up after that.

I decide that it would be wise to start getting ready for the day now, running through my schedule while gathering my shower supplies. At eight o'clock, I have to be at the theatre where we're performing tonight to rehearse for a few hours, then an hour-and-a-half break for lunch. After lunch is some time to get ready for the show, actually do the show, then it's off to London to repeat the cycle. Troupe 1 of LotD has been touring Europe for the past three months or so, and London is our last stop, thank God. It's a great life being in a dance troupe, but you get homesick and tired of constantly traveling.

I end up walking into a wall trying to find the bathroom because in this hotel, there's merely an alcove where the bathroom should be. When I finally make it to my destination, I take a thirty-minute shower because the hot water loosens up my tight muscles. Actually, I took a long shower because I like long showers. When I flip the water off, I notice the fogged-up mirrors and the Game of Thrones quote "The water is never too hot for a Targaryen" pops into my mind. As I dry myself off, I engage in a mental debate on whether the line was meant literally or in the sense that Targaryens get into a lot of trouble.

Since I'm going straight to rehearsal, I rummage through my suitcase and produce my standard dance uniform--a black sports bra, black spandex shorts, black dance sneakers and a black LotD jacket. Getting dressed, I think about who's going to be at the show tonight. I'm really excited, because sometimes famous people come to our performances. I once met Robert Pattinson when he came to a show in Abu Dhabi! I don't bother putting on any makeup save a swipe of mascara because I know that I'll be slathering on a buttload of makeup tonight for the show. My hair is simply twisted into a ponytail and tied with a black bow for some extra flair.

I gather up my dance supplies from around the room. I was really tired after last night's rehearsal so I dumped my bag on the floor and it was unzipped and now my stuff is literally everywhere. Somehow my hardshoes ended up on the coffee table, my gaffer's tape on the couch and my softshoes are in the entryway. Once everything is safely in my bag (except for my TheraBand, which I can't find and have given up on), I exit my hotel room and head downstairs. I'm staying on th sixth of ten floors, so I take the stairs as a warm-up. The whitewashed walls and monotonous scenery of five flights of stairs calm me and give me a sense of peace as I focus on not tripping, which, as an incredibly clumsy person, is a very real possiblity. When I reach the lobby, I'm breathing a bit harder than normal but not completely out of breath. I pause for a second and take in my surroundings. To my right is a circle of plush red-and-gold armchairs and the concierge's desk is to my left. Straight ahead of me is a set of old-fashioned mahagony double doors with paintings on either side. I stride through them; the scent of oil and exhaust hits me as soon as I leave the hotel, which is unsurprising considering the busy street ahead of me. I'm careful to steer clear of the cars because Dublin drivers are notoriously unyielding and it wouldn't do to be killed two performances before the end of the LotD European tour.

Tonight's show venue is only two blocks away from my hotel, so it's a relatively short walk, but the chilly November air makes it unpleasant. I hate the cold. I'm not kidding--ever since I can remember I've had this aversion to cold weather (not cold foods, though, I love ice cream) so late October to early March is miserable for me. I walk the distance with my head bent to my chest to fend off the chill. The chatter of other pedestrians lulls me into a state of further calm, and I arrive at the theatre in high spirits. The venue is a grand building with a gorgeous stone façade and an imposing height. The other members of the LotD troupe are beginning to trickle in, and I spot my friend Anna in the foyer. I rush over to her. "Hey Anna! Are you alright after last night? How'd you fare?" I smirked, knowing that she had been drinking with some other cast members (she is over 21).

She grinned. "Oh, just dandy. Luckily I didn't drink so much to give me a massive hangover."

"Yeah, that would have been bad. You know Jimmy doesn't like it when his cast shows up unable to dance." Anna giggles and we make our way backstage where the other dancers are beginning to warm up.

I join the warm up session and have just started my 100 jumping jacks when suddenly a pair of strong arms encircles my waist. A voice with a strong English accent whispers, "Hey there, Ali," in my ear.

I smile. "Hey Jimmy! Glad to see you actually made it here on time."

"Shut up," he grumbles. "The taxi driver got lost last time. Anyway, I got you this."

Something is pressed into my hands. I look down. It's a blueberry muffin, my favorite! "Thanks! You know me so well." I twist around in his grip and kiss his cheek.

Jimmy says, "You should actually get your own breakfasts and stop relying on other people for food, love."

I giggle. "Why should I? I know that you'll always be around for me." I encircle my arms around his neck, being careful not to squish my muffin. At 5'7" he is only two inches taller then me, but he is so muscular that his bulk makes up for his height. We gaze into each other's eyes for moment, then he leans in and kisses me softly. This earns a few whistles and catcalls from more obnoxious members of the cast, but we ignore them. After a minute, I remember that I still have to put my dance shoes on and do a few things before practice. It takes me a minute to disentangle myself from Jimmy, but he eventually heads off to do a sound check and me to get ready. I make idle conversation with my friends Anna, Lydia and Bryce before the rehearsal begins.

My role in LOTD is the part of Morrighan, the "bad girl". She tries to seduce The Lord of the Dance, played by Jimmy, but ends up with the Dark Lord whilst The Lord of the Dance gets Saoirse, the good girl. It's a fun part because I get to unleash my inner sexy side and there's so much electricity between Jimmy and I onstage. I have to pretend to seduce him onstage, when inside I'm burning up with desire.

Rehearsal goes smoothly, and no one falls down. The stage is thick wood--great for sound and unlikely to cause shin splints. After practice, I catch my friend Lydia while everyone's changing into street clothes. "Hey!" I say. "Want to grab some lunch with me? There's an Italian place just down the street."

"Sure, sounds good. Just let me get my boots on. I can hardly pull them on over my huge calves," Lydia replies, and we both giggle.

"Is Jimmy meeting us there?" She asks while we're walking to the restaurant.

I shake my head. "Nah, he's opting to eat with some of the guys. I think he's tired of hearing me talk about girl stuff."

Lydia grins and elbows me. "I can't believe you guys have only been dating for two months. It seems like you've been together forever!"

Jabbing her back, I say, "Yeah, it's great. I still need to hook you up with someone, though. You can only be single for so long!"

Before she can respond, I point at the building in front of us, saying, "Look, we're here!" The restaurant is small and quaint, with blue awnings overhanging a couple of tables outside. We walk inside and a hostess greets us.

"A table for two, please," Lydia says. The hostess leads us to a booth in the middle of the restaurant. As we sit down, Lydia gasps.

"What's up?" I say absently, scanning the menu.

"You'll never believe this," she says shakily. "Look behind you."

I set my menu down on the table and turn around slowly. My eyes widen.