The Day Before

Chapter One

The Day Before

It was cold, a steady breeze filling the room through the open window, the roaring fire in the corner of the room doing nothing but providing a hazy light, the rain presented the evening with an easy escape for the need of conversation; it was too heavy to hear anything other than the cascading downpour. And yet, I still found myself trying to force words from my mouth, despite the dryness and the ache that it was causing. I had been looking down for the past few moments, focusing on the torn edge of the handkerchief that was placed hastily on my lap, the crack on the floorboard underneath the table, the slight stain on the old leather arm chair. Staring at anything I could instead of looking at him. Instead of raising my head and meeting his eye and begging with him. Pleading him. I knew that if my eyes met his, I would be throwing myself on the floor, sobbing, pulling at his slightly-too-short thin trousers, embarrassing myself in front of the company in the house, and knowing that I wouldn't care. So instead, I focused on the sounds of the cutlery scraping against the plates, and the light from the fire, and pushing the soggy vegetables round with my fork.

Johnathon cleared his throat to the right of me, and I looked up hesitantly, meeting his eyes thankfully. At least someone was trying to make conversation, cutting through the tension in the room with graceful words. He smiled at me warmly, then looked across at the table to Lizzie, who met his gaze with love and adoration. Reaching across the table to tenderly take her hand, he cleared his throat again, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the man at the end of the table looked up quickly, a delicate brown curl falling in front of his eyes. He wiped it away absentmindedly, his eyes fixed on the clasped hands in the middle of the cream table cloth, not looking towards me at all. And for that, my heart was grateful; I wasn't sure how much more breaking it could take.

Johnathon smiled, a twinkle returning to his eyes, and he looked down as he began talking.

"I know the timing for a dinner is awful, but there's no time like the present is there? But Lizzie, and I, well, we wanted you – both of you – to be the first to know." Lizzie cut in, her eyebrows narrowed, a concerning look in her eye.

"We just wanted to make sure that you knew we appreciated the friendship that we've been blessed with you two." Her voice was high, and pitchy, her throat catching, tears falling down her face. "And it really is, honestly, awful timing, but there isn't much we can do about that now, is there Johnnie?" And they shared a look that was filled with so much love that I felt intrusive to continue sitting at that table, that I needed to quietly leave the house, and walk home alone in the rain, and contemplate whatever I had done wrong in a previous love to not deserve that kind of love.

Johnathon stood up, his tall frame rocking the chair back on a slight tilt but he caught it quickly, combing his blonde hair with his hands nervously, looking between both guests Lizzie and he had invited into their small home.

"We are, well I mean Lizzie, is pregnant." They both chuckled, a sigh of relief emitting the joy they felt with telling someone. I raised my eyebrows, moving my hands to my lap before anyone could spot that they were shaking, fast and strong. Bad timing was an understatement.

But I smiled, glancing at them both, hoping that even an inch of their happiness was etched onto my empty face.

"Oh, congratulations, really. I am so happy for the both you", I started, feeling myself tearing up despite trying to hold it together. There was no doubt that Lizzie and Johnnie, my best friends since I was 5 years old, deserved a physical representation of their love for each other, just not now. There was no way that, just days from Johnnie being sent away to military training, there should be another thing introduced that he needed to say goodbye too. It was unfair, and the thought made a small gasp release through my tightly strained lips, and before I knew it my body was shaking with sobs, and my face was wet with the tears falling from my eyes. I pushed away the grappling hands that were trying to comfort me, trying to tell me everything was going to be okay, and that we would all figure this out, all four of us, because we were like family, wait no scratch that, we are family, but before they could finish I was standing up, and thanking them for the very pleasant evening, telling them that yes, I was honestly really very happy for them, that I thought I was coming down with something, hopefully just a cold, but I would definitely catch up with them in the morning. I was backing out of the room, still only focusing on Lizzie and Johnnie ignoring the fourth figure in the room altogether.