I Should Be Studying

Prologue

The memories come flooding back like a tsunami. The bad images flood my mind. I remember all the blood, screaming, crying, emptiness. It's been 2 months. I'm still empty. Thinking it would do me good, I was left with all of his belongings that only remind me of him, which makes me feel worse.

His hologram appears again, like always, telling me to rethink everything I'm doing. He stands ahead of me, holding down my right hand, which is currently full of the sleeping pills I've been taking since that day.

"Remember all the good," he consoles, scooping them out of my hand and sitting beside me on the end of the bed. "You're only thinking the bad."

"It hurts too much, Niall," I cry out.

"You're stronger than this," he insists.

"No I'm not," I retort. "I can't do this anymore!"

And just like that, he's gone again. I take a look beside me and see the pile of pills on the bed. I take them in my hand and the rest of the bottle in my other and walk into the bathroom. One by one, I swallow them. Then by three's. Then by five's. Soon the bottle is empty and I feel as though there weren't enough. I look in the mirror and I begin to cry all over again.

I hear my name being called and my heart sinks; it's Niall's but it wasn't distant and echoey like before, it's real, I can feel the sound of his vocal chords. I storm out of the room to see him standing with his arms held open, like he used to do.

"C'mere," he murmurs.

I run up to him and hold him tightly. I can actually feel him. He's warm. I can smell him. His cologne fills my lungs.

"N-Niall," I cry out, voice being muzzled by his chest. I soon feel my tears moistening his shirt and he hushes me as he rubs my back.

"C'mon," he mutters, leading me to the bed. "You're almost there. Just stay with me."

His arms hold me tightly, making sure he doesn't let me go for a second longer. As I continue crying into his chest, he softly sings to calm me down.

"You're almost there," he repeats. "Listen."

He holds his hand against my chest and I hear my heartbeat slowing down until it eventually comes to a complete stop.

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