💙CrankGamePlays Imagines🖤

Let me help you. (Self harm)

*This story contains self harm from the readers POV. if you are sensitive to this, please do not continue reading. Please stay safe💙*

_____

I sit on my bed in pure silence

It's been months, I was three months clean. 'You're so weak' I tell myself. I promised myself at the beginning of the year I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. And here I am... 'WEAK!'      "SHUT UP!"
I scream into the air. I'm home alone, I can do what I want. I chose this. My phone beeps again, it's probably Ethan. He's been texting and calling me all day but I couldn't bear looking, much less responding. I know it would let him down if he knew what I was doing right now. I don't want to lose my last friend.
I sit in thought for a few minutes, feeling the blood trickle down the sides of my legs. I think about my parents, how upset they were with me the first time they saw the cuts on my wrists, how mad they were... beep!
Ethan. Why is he still trying to text me... I put the blade to my skin once more, almost subconsciously, and slice. I winch at first at the brief stinging sensation, but it is soon replaced by fascination.
It's so deep. I spread the skin with a couple of my fingers and look inside the cut, it's white in there, and blood is slowly filling the cut. Even when I let go the skin doesn't fully close. But blood quickly runs down from the cut.
It's my deepest one yet.

"Y/N!" A frantic voice yells from my open door. I scream and almost run as I thought I was alone, but looking I see that it's Ethan. A short span of relief runs over me before I remember the what I've done. I quickly try to cover myself but Ethan is in front of me, kneeling and looking up to me with eyes that shatter me into pieces. His blue eyes looking like proper little oceans, with tears filling them.

I've hurt him.

I choke back my tears when I say
"I'm sorry.." but it's barely audible, and comes out as a whisper.

He shakes his head.

"Why did you do this again?" He asks, his voice unreadable.

"Are you mad?" I say meekly. He furrows his brows

"No! Y/N, I'm concerned. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He says.

I begin to shake. "Why are you here?" I ask. "You weren't answering me, Y/N, the last time you ignored me like this you ended up in the hospital." He says. I stare, paralyzed from the memory, when I cut my wrist to deep. We're silent for a few seconds, but when Ethan is about to say something, I hear a drop of blood hit the floor, I look at him, hoping he didn't notice, he looks at the floor. Fuck. He suddenly looks up to me with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth, almost like he just got out of a trance.
"Come on." He says standing up and grabbing my arms, I start to cry.
"What?" I say through sobs. He looks down at me, still sitting on the bed,
"To get to you cleaned up." He says in a soft, comforting voice. I don't like for him to see like this, and I tell him that.
"You don't need to, I can do it myself." I say through sobs, almost sounding like a plea. But he insists that he lead me to the bathroom where he sits me on the counter and begins digging through the drawers for what I can only assume to be a first aid kit. He stands back up, hands full of supplies, I hang my head, hiding my shame. He sets everything down for a moment and gently picks my head up with a couple of his fingers under my chin. He doesn't say anything. He just looks into my eyes, and I can't help but look into his. And as I do, I feel an overwhelming sense of comfort. He cares.

He breaks the silence by suddenly running cold water over a wash cloth, after soaking it, he starts wiping the blood that ran down the side of my leg. In the silence I feel embarrassed again, even scared. "I'm sorry.." I say. He looks up to me but doesn't stop cleaning my legs. "You don't need to be sorry," He says in a soft voice. "Listen, I'm here for you. Let me help you. Please," He says, and I go quiet. After a minute of cleaning the uncut part of my legs he rinses the cloth with cold water and gently lays it over my cuts. It feels refreshing.
"Tell me if it hurts, okay, Y/N?" He says in a stern, but sweet voice. I nod. He begins cleaning the cuts, so carefully, making sure not to push too hard. Cleaning each cut separately. When he gets to the deep one he does it no different, so tenderly, but it sends a shock through me and I winch, scaring myself, but especially Ethan. "I'm sorry! Y/N, I'm sorry!" He begins. I tell him it's okay,
"It's not your fault, it's okay. It's.. deeper than the rest." I say looking away again. A barely audible "oh" comes from Ethan. He begins to clean it again, even more gentle than before. I want to cry, I've never been cared for like this. But at the same time I feel embarrassed... I can do it myself.
"Ethan, let me finish." I say, reaching for the cloth and antibiotic he pulled out of the drawer. He stops me, once again saying "let me help you." I stare at him. And he continues, "what kind of friend would I be if I didn't do anything.." I go silent again, and several seconds later he's applying the antibiotic on the cuts and wrapping them. I know that he's doing too much, they don't need to be wrapped but I don't want to make him mad so I stay silent. When he's done he stands up and looks at me, "why did you do it?" He says in his soft voice, tears welling in his eyes once again.
I give in.
"I felt numb," I begin, he listens. "I felt so numb.. I couldn't smile, laugh, cry.. I can't feel anything anymore, Ethan!" I start to sob again, he pulls me into a firm embrace. "It's the only I can feel things when I'm numb." He stays silent but keeps me in his arms.
"Are you upset with me?" I ask, he pulls away. "No! Y/N... the only reason for me to be upset with you is because you didn't tell me you needed help," I look down, but he makes me looks at him.
"I'm always here when you need me
Y/N. Im here when you need anything." I suddenly remember the very first day we met, in second grade, I had just moved to a new place, and I was at a new a school. I was outside during recess when a mean kid threw a rock at me and ran away laughing. It hit me right above the knee, hard. I fell on the ground holding my knee, when a boy with blue eyes and brown hair came up to me, he had bruises on him, I now realize it was probably because of the same kid. "Here, let me help."