I really don’t know how to tell you this. I’m not that type of person that just opens himself up to everybody to make them see what I truly feel. I actually just don’t know how to. I’m trying because my therapist says I should, and I should pay attention to her because that’s what my parents want me to do. She says that I need to show the type of person I am to the whole world, but I can’t. Not even I know what type of person I am. I know myself as much as I know my next door neighbor, which I don’t really talk to at all. She also says that I need to accept myself in order for other to accept me. I don’t really see the purpose trying to accept myself, because I know others wouldn’t accept me anyways. I just prefer to continue my life the way that it has been going like for my whole life. Why change now?
Summer. Summer is when I stay at home every day away from the sun and all of humanity. Summer is the season that brings the most joy to me. I don’t have to worry about anything. I don’t have to worry about school, homework, and those things that happen to me in the school’s restroom. Summer is when my parents usually go to their yearly one month cruise and leave me alone at home, which I actually don’t mind. I love staying at home. I usually go around the whole house and lock every single door and window, then I go up to my room with food that will last for that day and lock it as well. There is no other place that I feel safer than in my room. Shouldn’t it always be that way?
Summer is when I lay down in my bed and read. I don’t even understand what I read sometimes, but I read it for the sake of reading. Once a week, I take a quick run to the nearby library. The library is such a wonderful place. I don’t have to be glancing behind my back all the time, but I do it anyways because of force of habit. I play this game all the time; I call it hide and seek. I always feel that I’m destined to check out a book even before I enter the library; the problem is that I don’t know where to find it. So what I do is walk up to a random book shelf, close my eyes and start getting books. Then I walk to another book shelf I do the same, and I do this until by arms starting feeling weak. It’s surprising how I actually haven’t picked up the same book since I started doing this seven years ago. Afterwards, I go straight home as fast as I can, and start reading. I don’t sleep much, so I have a lot of time to read.
I have a sister and two brothers. My sister is already married, one of my brothers I off to college, and the other one is two years younger than me. I used to love having my siblings around me to play with when I was smaller, but then they all started getting different interests. My older brother lost his virginity when he was only thirteen years old. I still remember that day. I came home from school, and walk up the stairs. I was hearing screams so instinctively, I opened the door to find my brother with two other naked girls screaming at me to shut the door. My younger brother just stays locked in his room playing video games all day. Which only leaves me, the one that reads and hates everything.
