The One That I Love--
I hate myself for trusting you and believing that you could hold pieces of me.
I hate that I still want to be able for you to keep these pieces of me that I have kept secret.
I love your kiss, though.
Your touch and your smile, the eyes that you give me when it's just the two of us.
You're like a drug that I'm addicted to, a rhythm that replays constantly in my head, a habit I can't quit.
Your body close to mine makes me feel safe, as if anything that had ever harmed me could never harm me again. Strong arms, but nimble fingertips that trail my skin.
These feelings are nice to feel, but the trust is hard to bare.
I hate myself for getting caught up in the way that I feel in order for me to not think of these outcomes from feeling.
I love you, I do, but it is hard to stay true to these words when constant doubt clouds my head with a haze.
I'm in love with you.
I am.
But these things are hard to speak, to even say, when there are thoughts holding me back.
I want to be looked at by you, the one that I love, but insecurities make me hide myself from you.
When we are close, two bodies joined as one, I want to hide from you, never really able to enjoy the things you make me feel.
I love you, I do.
But it is me that I hate.
Me that I hate for making you doubt your worth.
And I am sorry for this, the one that I love.
•*•*•*•
{a/n: None of y'all care, but me and my dude is alright. Just been fuckin up with my depression. Kinda hard to maintain both a relationship with depression, but I'm gettin there. We've been together for three months. He's been able to deal with my bs ahah. But yeet... Baii}.
