The Definition of Badass

Badass

„Ryan! Behind you", Lilian shouted, but before he could duck someone threw a frying pan in his face and ripped the wooden spoon from his hand.

Now he didn't even have that anymore. He sighed and threw himself with a few others on one of the people with the most kitchen utensils. "This is my fork", somebody screamed and bit his ankle.

"Ow", he cried out angrily and pushed the head, which had its teeth still wedged in his skin, away from him with his foot.
At the same time he grabbed a spoon and and hauled himself up on one of the stoves.
He looked down on the other cooks, who were still busy fighting and untangling their limbs.

How had he even landed in this mess?

Now, normal people would just remember what had happened in the blinkof an eye, but as the protagonist of a short story he probably would get his own flashback. He was already quite familiar with the feelingof having a flashback and reliving every moment that had brought him up to this one. He probably would space out for a few minutes now. Better stay on the oven.

Yes ... he could already feel the flashback coming.
His thoughts would shut up now.

~

As always it had started with his alarm waking him.

What wasn't so usual was that Lilian had stormed in right afterwards, jumped on his bed and shaken him, while sobbing at the same time.
He just grunted and turned away from her, as much as that was possible with her sitting on him.

"Ryan, wake up", she cried.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll do just fine", he mumbled into his pillow with which he had a stable relationship. "Now, please leave me alone!"

Now she let herself fall on him and breathed in his ear.
"No, I can't", she said huffy. "You know how important this is!"

"No, I don't", he replied. "I don't even know why you're this upset!"
Lilian sucked in an insulted breath. "How dare you", she spit out. "I told you yesterday, about a thousand times. And the day before. And the day before."

"I didn't listen", he said and pushed his face deeper in his pillow.

"You can cook, right?", she asked.
"Mmmmmm", he made.
"Don't play dumb! I know you can!"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm", he made again. Why couldn't she just leave him alone?

"It's so unfair! My father should put you in that cooking school!", she cried and breathed more hot air into his ear.

"Because you apparently forgot I'll have to explain it to you again", she said and he grunted.
"No. Please don't. I remember perfectly well!", he groaned.

"No, you said you didn't listen. It's your own fault", she said and Ryan made a very displeased noise.

"My father is the best cook in the whole town and he put me in this cooking school and now he's expecting me to be the best at my test, but my cooking is just averahahahage!" She had started crying dramatically at the last word.

"Your cooking is not average", he said.

"Yes, it iiiiis! And", she breathed hectically, just to transfer more breath into his ear. "And", even more hectic breathing. "And they won't give everybody kitchen utensils and ingredients!! And I'm weaker than weak! I can't fight! I'm going to die in there!"

"Mhm", he made, still not very interested in Lilian's problems.
"If I don't get the best score, I'll have to stay home forever!", she complained.

"Don't care", he mumbled.

Another insulted breath. "How can you even say that! I'm your oldest and only friend!"

With that he abruptly sat up, so that Lilian fell from the bed onto the floor with a little shriek.
Disgruntled she looked up at him, rubbing her butt.