Her

3

I kissed her forehead. She looks stunning. I never had chances to praise her beauty. I thought it would be awkward to tell her that she was really pretty inside out. I should tell her when I have time.

A tear had spilled. Followed by another. And another. Damn it, I can't control my tears.

I'm sorry that I cried in front of you. I'm sorry I ignored you when we first met. I'm sorry for not always being with you. You had support me. You had comfort me. Always. And now, that you being away, I had lost half of me. I don't know how to live my life anymore. I just hope you will be happy up there, my love.

Then, I left. My heart was broken, I can't believe that she had gone away.

"Aaahhhh!" I shouted until my lungs give out. I spent my day at the rooftop. Our place. Tomorrow is her funeral. How I wish all of this isn't real.

"Damn, Seth, you'll always have me, you know? Whatever in your heart, pour it out. I would never judge unless you want me to. Dude, with that face you look old already."

Harith squeezed my right shoulder as to give strength to me.

"She must be precious because you don't introduce me to her. Afraid I will woo her? She is beautiful and I know it must be hard at first, but our time will come sooner or later. All of us are born to die, am I right? Its just a fucking time."

"Well, I'll give you time alone. Just don't do anything stupid."

His steps were fading away until it was completely gone. He was right. We will die, someday. I'm just afraid that while I still alive, I will forget her. I don't want to forget her. It felt like I'll betray her. I don't want to betray my relationship with her.

'Gosh, Raine, why you make it so fucking hard to keep moving on.'

It's time to go home. A thought crossed my mind, is it really a home?

***

Mom, I'm home. My mother was standing in the living room with her hands crossed.

"Darling, where have you been? It past midnight already. Oh, boy, don't show the whatever attitude! Your father has give me an enough headache, don't you add anymore, okay? You will never do it again, are you clear?"

"Okay, mom." Her high pitching voice change when she spoke to me. She can't speak nicely because all she ever did is get angry to me. Everything that I do is wrong. Playing basketball was wrong, she wants me to just concentrate in studying. Being home was wrong, she asked me to go socialize. When I was out, she asked me to go home. I would never understand her.

Slumping my body to the bed, the feeling of loneliness lingered in me. It keeps coming back even though I tried to fight it. Ugh, just go sleep, Seth. This would never work. All the things that happened around me keeps pushing forward. Raine, had passed away. My mom, always controlling me. My dad, cheating with someone else. And I, just want to die.

***

The class was freaking noisy with all the students having fun with their friends. Some girls were talking or gossiping I guess, in their own group, while guys were playing games in their phones and psp games, just a few of them were watching eagerly. This is going to be a long boring day.

Fifteen minutes later, the English teacher showed up. When she teaches us, I could see her passion in English literature because she loves to read the poetry and asked us what we understand from it. Sometimes, some students responded to her, but normally she had to try explain it in her point of view rather than told what was written in the books.

Today, we need to present the story of the novel in our module briefly. The first one to go is Maya. Maya was good in communication. She drew the audiences to focus only to her. Her voice was confident added with her dark chocolate eyes have a contact with every single audience. But I had noticed, every time she goes in front of class, she would always hold a pen. Her legs would move back and front once in a while. She hides her nervous very well.

"So, in conclusion, I was encouraged by the spirit of Dawan, a young village girl that do not give up to change the stigma of female should stay in the house, doing chores and can't pursue their dream. She had proved that the women also had a right to do what they want. So, my beloved friends, if people told you, you're weak, prove them wrong because you have power to change it. It's in you." Her voice boomed in the class and the students had given her a big applause.

Before she went back to her sit, her pen somehow fell and rolled in front of me. At that time, I was about to go to toilet. Accidently, I stepped on her hand that was grabbing the pen on the floor.

"Ouch man, move your feet!" Her eyes snapped up on me telling me that she was angry.

"Uh, I'm sorry."

After that, she gets up and told me "Ouh really? I think you did it intentionally"

What the ... My apology does not enough? "And why the heck I should do that?"

"You keep looking at me like a hawk, it's scaring me" She then crossed her arms over the chest almost in challenging attitude.

"Look girl, if you have problem, deal with it. I don't care okay? I can't blame my looks."

"Don't call me girl. I'm not any girl."

"Whatever you say, Maya. I can't believe I had bickered like a kid with you. And here I thought you are mature. Definitely I was wrong."

Ouh. She was fuming. She was clenching her teeth. Before she lashed out, our teacher had butt in. I forgot the whole class was watching us just now.

"Enough you two. Say nothing and sit in your place before I punish you for disturbing my class. Now, where were we?"

Mrs Tina called another name to come in front. I sat back on my sit while smirking at Maya's scowling face.

The whole day was okay until when it was time to go home. Harith came up to me. "Seth, what are you doing?"

"I was waiting someone. You go ahead."

Only when Harith was gone, I realized Raine was not here anymore. I was fucking stupid. I should just go.