explorations

//water//

Water does bewitching things to light. Floating below the surface of a lake on a sunny day is an otherworldly experience. Waves bend and twist the light on its path to earth and shadows tint it magical colors of gold and turquoise. There is an understanding that the water is much more powerful than you but the surface is close and with it comes a safe, full breath of air. You reach a finger up to wave through the streams of light. Your chest may be tight and uncomfortable but you know you are safe. You think of life and the mundane activities you participate in. The water is a timeless place. You are lost in your mind and the enchanting movement of waves and don't notice how the light has dimmed. Looking up, you find that the sun is a mere blur and the water around you seems to stretch on for miles. Lungs tighten and fear slowly creeps up. You reach for the light but it only makes you sink deeper. Soon you are frantic and hands claw at nothing and your legs thrash below you. Nothing is working and life seems to be running away from you. Breath taunts you, daring you to give it up and you wonder at the possibility. Your movements slow. What if? That is all you can think. What if? What If? What if? You dig for answers and you find them but they are frail and at that moment seem insignificant. The water is significant, it is heavy and big and dark and constant. Compared to it, your answers are dust that will soon disappear, as you will, into the water.

    Water pushes against you from all sides. You feel as though you are lifting up the sky. How can anything be so heavy? As your vision starts to leave you and acceptance is all you have left you feel a shift. The water's tight grip on you has loosened, just the slightest bit. A slight current pushes you upwards and you throw all your strength down at the water. The darkness and density fades away. You break the surface. The life floods back into your body and you cry. You don't know why but you can't help but cry.

You gulp in as much air as possible knowing that it will not last. You live your life right below the surface of the water. Safe and in arm's reach of fresh air but uncomfortable and constantly wary. Never knowing when you will get pulled down again or if you will ever be let up.