Soon!

Chapter 6 - Dear Dad

Three months later Momma and Chrissy flew out to spend some time with me while Sonja was on a special assignment out of the country. Now almost three, I could see parts of her personality that match both me and my father. I could see momma's influence on her already. She was extremely polite and ate delicately like a southern belle.

When I asked how Sonja was doing, momma responded "just fine" but not very convincingly. I looked her straight in the eye and she shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know Chris. I know she loves the baby and she is a really good mother but I think she realizes that she messed up and she doesn't know how to fix it. I also know that she really loves you, but I hear doubt in her voice when she responds to my questions about you and about the three of you being a family."

The month passes by quickly and I had to take them back to the airport on Sunday afternoon. Thankfully we only drew a few cases while they were in town. Tammy and Sabastian stepped up so I could spend more time with my daughter.

It broke my heart after I walked them down the walk way and handed Chrissy to momma and the car seat to the flight attendant. It was only then that Chrissy realized that I was not coming with them and went into severe three year old melt down. Momma phoned me after she finally got her strapped into her car seat. I could talk and see her until we had to get off the phone. Momma said that seemed to satisfy her.

After that I skyped her every day. Sonja said she looked forward to the daily contact. My friend Cheryl, who had worked with military families during the first Gulf war, suggested that I record some books on tape for her. Sonja or momma played a recording every night as she held the book and changed the pages as my narration proceeded.

Momma told me that there was a pall over the house when Sonja was in town. While both she and Sonja were making Chrissy's life full of love, they both knew something was missing. Now that she had more words, I understood that Chrissy would often ask "where is daddy?" and would look for me in the house. Momma said walks in the park became more difficult for Sonja as Chrissy saw other men in the park with their own children. More than once she walked over and hit or pushed a child and claimed that man as her daddy.

At that report I knew that I had to return to D.C. We need to do something now!

I e-mailed Sonja to her personal account. "Dear Sonja. I am realizing that I need to come out soon. Don't be mad at momma but she finally told me today about the sad hearts of the women in my life.

I am attaching this song by LeAnne Rimes called 'Soon'. I played it for days, then weeks after you left. See the words at the end? 'All the hurt will end, but till then I'll just pretend it will be over, over.' I kept telling myself I'll forget you. The truth is that I never have gotten over you.

Even before I knew about Chrissy I knew that I had made a mistake of letting you get away from me. I figured that it wasn't right to confess that to you and after you failed to call us for such a long time I buried those feelings deep into my heart. I would find myself each day looking for a woman who matched your spark, your wit, your humor, your beauty and your skills as a peace officer. There is no one else like you Sonja Percy.

Sonja, I want us to be a family. Can you work out some plans so we can be alone for a couple of nights? I told you this three years ago – I love you Sonja Percy."