Soundless Voice

- Len Kagamine -

At night when silence

Envelops the town

It is raining white

I hold up my palms

The snow melts as soon as I touched it

A transient piece of life

Snow accumulates without a sound

Like light

You smile as you gathered it

Hey, how do I sound?

Even if I reply, you

Cannot hear anymore

            “Len?” a voice calls softly from somewhere above me. Through a sleepy haze, I feel a hot, feather-light hand settle gently on my head, the slender fingers entangling themselves in the golden tendrils of my hair. My eyelids flutter open and I am greeted by the sight of my forearm. My makeshift pillow glistens with some type of liquid. I blink multiple times and raise my head as the hand withdraws. I meet my twin’s azure gaze and she giggles quietly.

            I lift a questioning eyebrow and she taps her forefinger against the corner of her smiling mouth. Taking the hint, I dab my own jaw with the back of my hand and realize with a faint sense of embarrassment that I had drooled in my sleep. I quickly wipe my hand, my forearm and my chin on the fabric of my crisp white shirt. I pull the apple green tie from my pocket and sweep my messy hair into a short ponytail at the back of my head. I glance back up at her face and move to sit beside her on the bed. She leans her head on my shoulder the way she has done countless of times and I drape my arm around her. I feel her breath on the crook between my ear and shoulder as she sighs.

            She takes my hand in hers as we stay there in utter silence, neither wanting nor needing to say anything. Holding her like this reminds me of our childhood, and a cruel stab of pain twists in my heart. How much we have grown since then… Even if we are merely fourteen, it seems the last few years are a forever away.

            I carefully peer down at her head of honey-blonde hair, held back from her face by some hairpins and topped with a simple white bow. She glances up at me and smiles, revealing her set of even white teeth. I force myself to smile back. I can see her pallor is pale and clammy, with a sickly-yellow undertone. The dark shadows beneath her eyes evidence how weary she is. She feels feverish in my arms, as if a live fire is burning within her. It hurts my arm to some extent to hold her, but I won’t let go. I can’t let go.

            The rise and fall of each breath seems labored, and the air seems to rattle in a hollow way in her lungs. It’s too much to bear. The illness continues to ravage her in the dead of winter and there is nothing I can do but watch. The sadness and hopelessness threatens to choke me from the futility of every effort I make to cure her. Against my will, I could feel her slipping away, little by little…

            As if she could read my mind, the smile on her face turns reassuring and her eyes soften with sympathy... like I am the one she needs to comfort. Tears start to sting the back of my eyes. She rests her hand on my cheek and I lean into her touch, unable to resist. It feels as if I’m leaning into an open flame, but I don’t mind. Even if she is sick, she smells the same as always, like sunshine and citrus. The same smell I’ve known my entire life. My eyelids slide closed and like this, without me seeing her, I can ignore her feverish temperature and pretend she is alright, that she is fine…

            “Look.” She pats my cheek, urging me to open my eyes and glance to the far window.

            “What is it, Rin?” I ask, following her pointing finger.