I'm standing in front of the mirror in our bathroom squeezing, and pinching the pimple on my chin that has gotten so massive it's quite literally living its own life. Christian and I are about to leave for New York, and now I'm not one to really care about physiques, but I fucking hate pimples. Suddenly, Christian appears behind me, "Hey baby," he says as he wraps his arms around my middle and nuzzles my neck.
"Do you think my pimple looks gross?"
He looks at me in the mirror with a face full of confusion, "What pimple?" he teases. "I'm serious, Christian. Is it bad?" he better take this seriously, because it is serious. Seriously massive.
"No, it's not bad. I didn't even see it. You look beautiful."
"You're just obliged to say that because I'm your wife."
"No, I'm saying it because I think you and your pimples are beautiful. Now, let's go, we have a plane to catch." he says as he kisses my neck softly. I turn around and sigh, "You're right. I love you."
We're in the jet, almost reaching our destination: the city that never sleeps. No matter how many times I've traveled this way, I could never get used to the luxurious and lavish lifestyle Christian has offered me and our kids from the minute I fell into his office. Memories of that time, a less crazier but much emptier time, suddenly resurface. I close my eyes and think of all that has changed from when we first met, to when we got married, to when we got Teddy and Phoebe and to where we are now with Teddy and Phoebe both being in middle school, and me, Christian and our babies living our happy, stable yet crazy life. It is crazy. It has and will always be crazy. But crazy has kinda become my normal since I met Christian. "We're here." Christian says as he interrupts me from my thoughts.
We arrive at the apartment and it's just as beautiful as the last time I was here, which was 5 years ago. We never visit Christian's place in New York which is a shame, because I'm in love with this city and its energy. On Winter breaks we usually go to Aspen with the family, and on every other school break the kids have we're off to a tropical destination of my choice, of course. But this weekend I decided I needed a weekend just for me and Christian alone, so we can have some quality time. Believe me, I love our kids, but sometimes it's really good to feel like Ana, and not just mommy. Not that I don't feel like myself at all, Christian can make me feel like that with just a glance, even after all these years, it's just that I need to have some time alone with him sometimes. I start walking around the apartment, and I see that there's a lot of new furniture. Baby furniture. The entire apartment is different from when I last was here, the place looks a lot more cozy and homey than it used to.
"When and why did you redecorate this place and get all this new furniture?" I ask Christian, who's now on the couch, busy typing away on his phone. He looks up at me and smiles. "I changed it when we were at the hospital after you got- when I knew you were pregnant, but still unconscious and I was going out of my mind, so I called the best interior designer in town to make sure every place I owned looked like a home a happy child would grow up in." My heart feels so full all of the sudden. I walk over to him and sit on his lap.
"I love you.." I say as I stroke his cheek, "so much."
"I know, baby."
I softly kiss him on his cheek and on the side of his mouth, "Now let's go do what we came here for." I say as I stand up, take his hand and drag him with me to the bedroom.
We're sitting in the Uber on our way to a bar. It's 11 PM and we spend our first day and night in New York, in bed, making love to each other over and over again. We ordered in Pizza and ate it in bed, and even when I thought we didn't have any more firsts left, this was a first. Christian is holding my hand and the song Take On The World is playing. The lyrics remind me of me and Christian, and I have a blissful moment as I look out of my window and see a million city lights; whatever happens, it'll always be me, Christian, and our babies against the world.
We arrive at the bar and the minute I walk in my pulse quickens. The room is filled with loud music and people chatting and laughing and enjoying themselves and I love it. We sit at the bar and a waiter walks over to us. "Evening. What will you two have?" he asks.
"What do you want, baby?"
"A glass of wine is fine for now, thank you." I answer sweetly.
"A glass of your finest white wine for the lady and a glass of Bushmills Black Bush for me, please."
The bartender whispers something I can't quite hear and goes off to make us our drinks. "So, how's my lovely wife enjoying herself this evening?" He turns to me and puts his hand on my leg, stroking up and down, a little higher each time, and I blush. "I'm enjoying myself just fine, why, thank you sir." His grip tightens as he squeezes my leg.
"Are you blushing?" he asks.
"Maybe."
"I love it when you blush. I don't see you blush as much as you used to do.."
"Why do you love it when I blush?"
"It tells me that I still have the same effect on you as you have on me. It reassures me."
"Of course you still have the same effect on me. That'll never fade, Christian. I'm still as crazy about you as I've always been. How many times do I have to tell you this?" Our drinks arrive, and I take a big gulp of wine because I fear I'll need it for the conversation we're about to have. "I don't know. I guess with our lives being so steady and stable and in some ways normal now, I sometimes feel like it might bore you and you'll start wanting more. I've told you time and time again that I want to give you the world and I still do, but I feel like I'm failing you somehow." He says as he looks up at me, and our eyes meet. It's then that I see the insecurity and fear in his eyes and it's an emotion and expression I don't see my husband wearing all that often. It startles me somehow. "Christian, these are just your insecurities. You have given me the world. You've given me you, and you've given me our beautiful little bundles of joy. You are my world. What we have and what we share is so special, how could I ever need more than that? How could I ever need more than our beautiful family? You're my whole world." I tell him, and I softly kiss his lips in the most tender way possible, just to make him feel what I feel. So much love. He breaks away and presses his forehead against mine and tenderly nuzzles my nose with his, "Okay."
"Okay? Now let's get drunk." I say and it sounds so not like me, but I love it.
"Okay."
We're on drink number– I don't even know. I've passed onto whiskey by now and Christian and I just landed back on our seats after dancing for 3 hours straight in a different club. This is so good, so, so, good. He's all hands and skin, touching me everywhere, kissing my neck while murmuring things I don't understand nor hear at this point. Until he says something I hear loud and clear.
"What did you just say?"
"Let's.. let's get a tattoo!" He grins. Oh, he's adorable when he's drunk. I should just get him drunk every time his controlling arse starts speaking.
"Wha-what? Have you done something other than alcohol?"
"Nooooo, Let's get a tattoo, baby, it's another first!"
"Hmmm. I just wanna get out of here, Christian, I need some air."
"Okay, let's go."
He pays the bill and we take our coats and go outside. The first thing we see is a tattoo shop at the end of the street as it is one of the only places still open at this time of night.
"Crazy coincidence?" Christian says. This man is crazy. "Let's go." And like the idiot I am I follow him to the shop. We walk in and there's no one getting inked.
"We want a tattoo." Christian blatantly says. "Ho there, big guy, you want a tattoo, not me." But Christian is already talking about what he wants and what I want. "Well, you two seem like prestige people so I'm not gonna give you something you won't like. How about you get one on your hand right where your watch will cover it," and the tattoo guy points at Christian "and you get one in your neck so your hair will cover it, well, most of the time." and the tattoo guy points at me. "Great idea! Let's do our initials." I hear Christian say. Christian goes first and he doesn't make a kick, so it must not be so painful. Before I can even fathom what's happening, I'm getting 'CG' tattooed in my neck. It doesn't hurt at all, it just tickles. When we're done and Christian has payed the tattoo guy, we walk out of the store and onto the streets of New York. I check my phone and see it's already 4 am. "Let's go for a walk."
We've been walking for what feels like an eternity and I'm starting to feel not so drunk anymore. We're walking on the Brooklyn bridge, just talking, even being silent, and it's perfect. We find a spot right where you can see both the water and the skyline and we sit down. "It's beautiful," I tell Christian. He looks down at me, his eyes all soft, and says nothing. As the sky starts getting brighter and brighter, I sense that the sun is about to come up and I check my phone to see the time, it's 5:28 AM. I see a tiny little bit of gold coming up right in between the buildings. It's truly mesmerizing and beautiful to see, even after all the beauty I've seen the last 5 years of my life, this is really pretty special. As the sun start rising, I rest my head on Christian's shoulder and he rests his on my head and we sit in silence for a while.
"You know what?" I ask.
"What?"
"You're my whole world," I smile at him and caress his cheek "for you and our beautiful family the sun goes down every night, and the sun comes up every morning."
"I love you." He says.
"I love you too."
And it's perfect. We're perfect.
