Hey Love,

14-10-2016

Hey Love,

It's been a month and I am still waiting for you to come home after work. It's been a month and I am still preparing dinner for the two of us. It's been a month and I am still wondering why I wake up alone.

15-11-2016

Hey Love,

It's been two months and just now I start to realise. Today started off terrible! When I woke up, I had to throw up. No one was there to hold back my hair. I called your name, but obviously you gave no answer. I stayed in bed all day. Now I am waiting for you to come home, but I know that you won't.

03-12-2016

Hey Love,

Today I visited the doctor because I kept on vomiting. I am pregnant! I wish I could have told you in person to see your reaction, but I will never see it.

16-01-2017

Hey Love,

I decided on changing the guestroom to the child's room. I never have any visitors anyway, with Mum and Dad dead. I picked light blue for the walls, but I don't know the gender. I want it to be a surprise. Tomorrow I will go shopping for the crib and other furniture. I have not told anyone about the baby, I wouldn't know whom to tell. I shut everyone out the day I lost you, but I don't blame you, it was my decision.

20-01-2017

Hey Love,

Today, I met a really nice guy. I was shopping for baby clothes. I don't know how, but we started a conversation and then he invited me over for next week. I said yes, because I know I should socialise a little bit. And something about this man just made me like him. So, on Wednesday, I will go to his place and we will have lunch together with his significant other. He told me that he and his spouse are in the progress of adopting a child.

26-01-2017

Hey Love,

Yesterday, I was at John's. I think, I forgot to mention his name the last time. He lives near Warwick Avenue in a lovely flat. His husband's name is Charles. They are a quite odd couple. John is all happy, positive and very open hearted, whilst Charles is a little distance. I think that he doesn't really know how to interact with others, although I could tell he was trying. They asked me about you, but I couldn't tell them. I just said that you were out of the picture, which sounds terrible, but isn't a lie, though it is not the whole truth. I miss you everyday more.

17-03-2017

Hey Love,

Today, John came over. He helped me painting the room. Tomorrow, he and Charles will help me building the furniture and getting rid of the old stuff. I will stop working in about a month, then I am 7 months pregnant. I wish you were here! John offered to go to breathing classes with me. I said, I had to think about it. They still don't have any news from the adoption agency. John told me it was because of Charles being difficult with other people, although much had changed since he first met him. I am so sorry for them.
I invited them over for Saturday to have a lazy day. I've only known them for three months, but I consider them my best friends. As far as I can tell, Charles doesn't have many other friends, but I think he enjoys my company. Or at least I hope so. John doesn't seem to have many real friends either, although he meets up for a pint every now and then.

17-04-2017

Hey Love,

Tomorrow, I have my 7 months check-up. John will come with me and afterwards we will get Charles from work to grab some lunch. John is a doctor. He once was in the army, but when he got shot in the leg, he had to be discharged. Now he works at St. Mary's Hospital. Charles is a DI at New Scotland Yard.

25-04-2017

Hey Love,

I am scared. I am not sure if I am capable of having a baby on my own. At the beginning I was happy. So, I still had a piece of you no one could take away from me, but the closer I get to giving birth, the more terrified I am. How should I look after someone so small, so helpless? I talked to Charles about it and he told me that I would be an awesome Mum and that the child will have two super cool uncles. Then he hugged me and I cried. I was still crying when John walked in. The three of us cuddled together on their couch and that was when I told them about you.

23-05-2017

Hey Love,

I know it's been a long time, but I was so busy preparing everything for the baby. I am still scared, but John and Charles are super supportive. I now I have my own room in their flat, there even is a baby bed in it. I was thinking much about telling your parents, but it is so hard to do anything at all recently. Whenever I want to sleep, the baby is kicking. John agreed to hold my hand when the baby comes and Charles now helps me with the breathing exercises.

I am so grateful to have these two men in my life! Although I wish you were here with me. But I promise that the baby will know about you, its father.

18-06-2017

Hey Love,

I had the baby! I called her Jade, after my mother. I decided on making John and Charles her godparents. They were so happy when I asked them. Charles is so cute with her. He isn't as awkward with her as he is with grown-ups. It's so beautiful to see them play together, although you can barely call it playing.
I moved back into our flat with her and John and Charles are over every Wednesday and Saturday. On Mondays I come to them to have dinner together.

14-08-2017

Hey Love,

It's been almost two months since I last wrote you. Living with a new born can be pretty exhausting!

Last month, John and Charles got the call! Tomorrow they will pick up their child. She is not a baby anymore. Haylee is 3 years old and a little angel. They are so happy! Jane can hold her head now. She is growing so fast!
Yesterday, I sent a letter to your parents, telling them about their granddaughter.
This will be my last letter to you because I finally realised that you can see it all yourself. You can watch over Jane. You can see her grow up from up there, where ever this may be. I finally accepted your death. 

I will always love you,
                                  Chloe