Where We Met

Chapter Two Aquiver

Chapter Two

Definition:

Aquiver. Shaking slightly, often because of strong emotions

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Brooklyn

With soft steps I was walking through the living room, trying not to make too much noise. Taking one last look at the family pictures lined against the grey painted walls. I felt a short pinch in my heart as I picked them up and placed them into a box, where they probably won't see the light of day anytime soon. Picture after Picture- memory after memory disappeared into the big brown box. It felt surreal knowing that from now one everything was going to be different. Knowing that from no one just two out of five people will live to hear. Knowing that everything will be much quieter.

I heard heavy steps behind me and I didn't have to turn around to know that it was my dad. His blond hair was sticking up and in his grey eyes, I could see tears. He took the picture out of my hand and remembering that day. It was a picture of family Mum, Dad, Bryan, Sam and me. We were having a picnic at the beach in front of teatopia. It was early autumn, the leaves on the trees were about to change colour and the sea was too cold so we refused to go in there. Nonetheless, we stayed there for 5 hours just because it was so nice. The wind was blowing and we, kids could run around. Not having a single care in the world- suddenly I had the impulse to jump into the picture and telling my younger past that everything was a lie. Happiness wasn't made to last. Forever- nothing but a lie. Happiness- barely stayed.

'You know this is not goodbye, ' he whispered giving me a pat on my back and took the picture out of my hand

'But why does it feel like one? ' I asked with confusion in my voice. I wasn't sure what to feel- what to say. 'It's not goodbye because it's not the end. It's a new beginning we just find a new way to say hello. ' he stopped patting my back and pulled me into a real hug. Not one of those fake men hugs in films but one where I could feel how sad he was. Dad was never someone who shied away from his feeling. He never taught any of his son's to be afraid of emotions. He cried in front of us and gave us hugs and I wasn't sure how my life will be without him here.

'Do you want me to explain it?' His usually calm voice wasn't so calm anymore.

'You already did. I just need some time to understand, ' I muttered mind and gazed out of the window, trying to distract myself. I followed him outside and waited till he got into his car. The engine revs as dad started it – he was always a bit impatient and the lights momentarily blinded me before he rumbled away- The pungent scent of gasoline carried in the wind as the car slowly disappears – out of my life. I knew he will come back but he will never live here again- he will never think of that house as his home. Just like that, he was gone- just like that. I knew that he will never stop being my dad but it felt like that. I felt weird, I guess – a little hollow.

With a knot in my chest, I went back to the house. Just walking through the door felt strange even though he didn't take much with him it felt empty. Mum was sitting there with her head in her hands.

'Mum. Hey, ' I whispered not sure what I should do or how to behave.

'Brook, come here, ' she patted on the next to her, without hesitation I sat down.

'You know I was never really good at expressing my feelings. Or at least not as good as your dad. But I want you to know that you can always talk to me no matter what.'

Her usually black curly hair was now wrapped up in a bun and she didn't smile.

'You know that there is that you and your brothers are not the reason for our separation. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be forever. Sometimes people are just meant to meet and be happy and then part again. And your dad and I were really happy'

'Do you believe in that? That there is someone for you out there. Someone else than dad? ' I asked my voice was weak and shaking.

She crossed her legs and balanced her cup of tea on her right one. Judging by the smell it was some overly sweet fruit tea. Her blue eyes flickered to me and she gave me a look like she only realised now that I was still there - patiently waiting for an answer. 'I don't know. I hope because otherwise I just made the biggest mistake of my life letting him!' She took a sip of her tea before she stood up abruptly walking out the room leaving me alone

I was never a good runner- I didn't like the feeling of not being able to breathe properly- not being in control over my body.

But right now I enjoyed the pounding feeling in my chest, the way of not feeling anything besides my heart beating out of my chest. However, I had to do something. I had to get away from home. Away from that hunting emptiness. Away from that overwhelming feeling of not being in control about what was gonna happen next. I managed to stop in time before I felt my legs giving nearly fell. Deciding to calm down I sat down on a patch of green grass I swallowed hard, my throat closing up and my palms sweaty. I picked up a small rock from the ground so I could throw it somewhere. My dad's words were echoing in my head. I was feeling something new. Anger. I was feeling anger. 'Don't let anger be in control. Don't let it take over. ' Dad always told us how important it was to find a way to release our anger. He told us about his childhood and adolescence where he had quite some anger issues because he never had someone to talk about it. It got completely out of hand and he started to destroy stuff and got into arguments with the police. No one ever showed him how to handle his own problems. So he made sure that his sons will never have the same problem.

I am angry because I am angry. Not that wasn't the right answer.

I am angry because I had the feeling of being left alone.

I am angry because I felt betrayed.

I am angry because I knew everything is going to change.

I am angry because I wasn't in control.

I am angry because nothing was making sense anymore.

I am angry because I didn't know what to do.

I put the rock down and started to rip out some of the flowers around me. I didn't care.