The Contradiction of Living
Paradoxes are a common factor in our lives as life is always contradicting itself as "We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom" (Montaigne as qtd. In Seltzer). Paradoxes were especially true in the life of the French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne. He led a life that was social in social circles yet remained detached from his family as it was forced by the people of the era due to reality. People were separate from their children and spouses yet forced to be social with others as a means to benefit socially. Though in life, it is possible to balance the aspects of both social and detached life if one contradicts the other?
During Montaigne's life, many young children died in infancy or early childhood due to disease. As the children perished early, many parents to learn to ignore or not have a connection with their children out of fear that they would lose them. "Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained" (Jonathan Harnisch as qtd. In Goodreads). Montaigne and his wife lost five of their daughters before they would reach the age of seven. Their surviving daughter, Léonore grew up detached from her parents despite being an only child. Montaigne would often watch his daughter from afar instead of directly communicating with her, "Children were dressed like miniature adults and were expected to behave much the same way: like small people with no rights"(Children). Most parents also prefer sons to daughters as daughters had to have dowries for marriage, which can cause financial problems for families. As for his married life, "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband"( Montaigne as qtd. In BrainyQuote). Montaigne was distant from his wife as they had an arranged marriage that was expected for both families. His wife, Françoise ran the Montaigne household with Montaigne's mother as it was her obligation to Montaigne as his wife while he focused on his own ambitions. Françoise and Montaigne had more of a relationship of toleration rather than one of love. They lived separate lives and lived in opposing towers of the house while only communicating with the other if need be. Montaigne also believed that there could be no real friendship between men and women.
In today's society, being detached in life still allows you to stay far away from commotion and grief. This means that you can separate yourself from a problem in order to not have to deal with the issues that have painful consequences as detached is defensive isolation as it provides protection from yourself and others, which in a way can be reflective of a person. "A prisoner should know that there are thousands of imprisoned freemen living in this world...jailed in their own society, handcuffed by duties.."( Munia Khan as qtd in Goodreads). Private lives always tend to be detached as we like to keep knowledge of our thoughts and fears to ourselves. Though, it is impossible to be completely detached as we cannot remain unaffected by factored events in our private and public lives.
"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives, which he habitually uses in conversation"(Mark Twain). Michel de Montaigne always conversed and debated as though it was his lifeline. He was a person who wanted to know multiple views of a story or a debate, including those opinions differing with his own. His encouragement of open discussion allowed one to feel not imprisoned on their own views and allow them to escape the jail they have created in their minds. Montaigne practiced openness to those who visited or debated with him. It was both highly brave and arrogant that he approached topics that could fuel anger as the Catholic and Protestant war was still going on. He and his family could be killed for allowing visitors or choosing the wrong adversary of the war as people have been willing to do about anything for their religion. The fact that he would let just anyone into his home was something very dangerous and possible social ruin for him. His openness could also be used a defense mechanism as he refused to hide his vulnerability, which meant that no one could hold power over him. " There is nothing weaker than hiding your vulnerability because it means a refusal to stare at those who abuse power and see them for who they are, which means they still have power and control over you"(Stefan Molyneux as qtd in Goodreads).
"No one can live without a relationship. You may withdraw into the mountains, become a monk, a sannyasi, wander off into the desert by yourself, but you are related. You cannot escape from that absolute fact. You cannot exist in isolation" (Jiddu Krishnamurti). The one drawback of a social life is the problems can be created. There are points of views that can start controversy or rumors that circulate that can be damaging. There are also points of view that can turn on people causing it to backfire or kill a person as the opposing view does not agree with the others' statement. Humans need to have communication in order to function to best of their abilities. "It's time to commit to finding the answer, to search for life beyond Earth. Mankind has a deep need to explore, to learn, to know. We also happen to be sociable creatures. It is important for us to know if we are alone in the dark" ( Stephen Hawking as qtd. In Goodreads). Humans have the need to learn from others and themselves by using others writing, conversation, and actions to gain what they have learned. They can get a deeper point of view on topics than their own when conversing with someone or be learning more about the topic that they are unknowledgeable about.
In the end, balancing the paradox of both social and detached lifestyles is beneficial as there are different situations that require different reactions. Humans are meant to be social as the brain is wired to be that way in order for us to survive," Our social nature is so powerful that it even may dictate how effective we are in developing innovations and producing major societal changes. "We are wired to see things and think, 'How can I use this to help other people that I know?'" Lieberman said. "I can have the most brilliant idea for an invention, but if I cannot convey that to other people in a way that they will help me build it and market it to other people, it's just an idea in my head. If we are not socially connected, even great ideas wither"(Newsroom). When making a decision about things, it can be best to be detached from the situation as you can make a clear decision that is based on logic, not emotions. Emotions tend to override logic and create unforeseen consequences. Living detached allow humans to be reflective of themselves and have some time on their own. We all need to be social and detached to keep the balance of our lives going. "Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower"(The Complete Fairy Tales and Stories).
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