Loving The Unlovable

Prologue

     I have always considered myself a bit odd, an outsider if you will, an anomaly - even within my own special family, I was never as happy or smart as my sisters, I was never a beauty queen and I could not keep a smile on my face, it just did not come naturally to me. I simply did not meet the requirements expected by mainly, well, me. I have always believed I could never be skinny enough, pretty enough or smart enough; it simply was not my fate, no matter how hard I tried.
     I pitied the fool that would somehow manage to fall "head over heels" in love with me; I always thought that I was to insufferable, childish and innocent to ever catch anyone's eye. I truly never believed anyone would take me for me and my many extensive flaws. There were just too many little things that slowly would drive them either away or insane.
     I was never able to fully comprehend the word 'love' - how someone could claim to love someone so much, that It physically pained them to lose them. It might be because the word is used so loosely nowadays that lead me to think it had lost all its value and meaning or simply because I had never experienced what 'falling in love' felt like. Of course I loved my family, but it just is not the same. I slowly learnt as I grew up that love can be shown in many ways and can be felt in different ways, like the love that you feel for your mum would be different to the love you feel for your friend. It is all relative really. I liked to think of it as an equation I had yet to solve.
    At the age of 16 I realized that maybe I wasn't meant to be loved in that kind of special way by anyone, I was very germophobic and was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. I did not believe anyone would put up with all my problems, it did not seem fair to have to dump all my problems on someone, it seemed too selfish. So I just focused on my studies and my families, I figured they were all I would ever need, that they would give me all the love I could need.
    I believed that for years. Until I meet him.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement, he seemed too good to be true - too perfect. I feared it would only be a matter of time until he either saw all my flaws and left, taking my broken heart with him, or worse he could somehow see past all my awkwardness and love me - because it would actually kill me to see someone as special and unique as him settle for such an undeserving, bland and boring person like me. He deserves so much more.