how do you explain to someone that you're having a mental breakdown without them feeling bad for you? I don't need your pity or even your support I just need you to sit here while I cry and scream and pretend nothing is wrong. Now that i think about it that might be a lot to ask. I don't wanna tell you I'm freaking out because that'll freak you out and I don't want to ruin you day. i know you're having a good time I can't mess that up for that's just not right. But I need you to not leave right now even if we're just texting i need you to keep talking. I'm scared that if you don't I'll do something stupid. I'm really trying this time. To quit my bad habits. I don't think I really want to i just know you wouldn't understand even if i explained it and it would probably be some big deal and I really can't handle that right now. I need a break. Not from school just from everything. For a bit. Not long, just enough to calm down a little. I have stress hives. There's just not enough motivation in my head to keep me on top of my life. I just can't do it. I could be so much better if i only tried but if i could find the energy to try I probably wouldn't be here now. I might have actual help instead a shitty online journal. I really don't know what's wrong with me anymore. Oh well.
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life n' such
De Todothis started out as just kinda a place to put random thoughts when i was bored or feeling really hipster but now it's sort of an online journal type thing because i guess i just needed someone to talk to please excuse grammar, spelling etc. this is...
