First Love Never Dies

Feelings

So i'm gonna start now.......
Back in grade 9 when i fall to my bestfriend it is really hard to keep it from him every single day i'm deeply falling for him. Then one day i admit it to him and guess what? I got rejected by my own best friend it was really hard to accept that 'rejection' thing specially you in you're self that he or she was you're first love they said
        
        "First love never dies"

and yes that's real maybe you don't love them anymore but you know to you're self that you can't forgot him or her you know usual shit feelings i really hate because when you want to accept another person in you're life you can't because you know to you're self that you still love him or her.

I remember when my bestfriend ask me if he can courtship with me but i reject him it was really hard to reject him because you know to you're self how it was really hurt and you let them happen again? To you're own bestfriend too? Why you let that happen to ther other people especially to you're bestfriend? And when i reject him i really felt bad for him so that's why i kinda feel bad for him

Anyways, back to what i say earlier he became my everything i do anything just for him i know that i don't have any chance on him even thou that i beg for it. I know that because he will never give me or just letting me to prove it to him that I FUCKING LOVE HIM it was really hard to accept but i need to accept the truth, they said "truth hurts" and shit that's right........ The FUCK!!!!! THE HELL WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. And it hurts fucking much even thou you want to forgot him but you can't because you fucking love him bitchhhh!!!!! And i was like "I fucking love you but you can't love me back? Is there simething wrong with me?" so yeah even thou he hates a lot i still love him. If you finally find you're real love you feel like you're first love never exist but you gotta admit to you're self that you can't forgot him or her because he or she was you're first love like first  falling inlove, first heart break and everything like all that shit

Everytime he go here at our house i felt like i have a butterflies in my stomach and everytime he needs to go i got really sad but he go he always give me a hug i know people judge me when they knew that i fall in the wrong person but you know the feeling like: "i don't choose you, my Heart did" yeah that's real i don't even know why i fall inlove to him. I gotta admit that he's not Handsome or even popular boy in our school he just normal boy. Anyways I'm going to tell the truth why i fall inlove with him. It was all started into
       'Fake Relationship'
yeah you heard it was started into fake relationship like you was acting deeply inlove into each other you and you're bestie doing the things that couples do like holding hands hugging thight each other and it was like there's no tomorrow you know what i mean so yeah after that i fall inlove with him hundred percent but then he reject me and i ask him why? And he told me just because were just 'friends' and it hurts like shit but you know what everytime i ask him why he reject me i look into his eyes and there was somthing that just because were friends i know that our friendship was the reason why he reject me i know there was a REAL REASON BEHIND OF IT maybe he hates me as fuck and that's what ONE OF THE REAL REASONS so that's why real reasons i hope i can read his mind to know what's the real reasons why he reject me

When he rejects me it hurts a lot, hurts like shit so yeah and you know what it sounds crazy or dumb but to be honest i got three (3) rejections i'll tell you later why i got 3 rejections