Cannabis

Chapter 15

I could feel my heart forcing its way out of my mouth as I walked towards Evan's room, downstairs. My feet felt as if they were made of lead, my heartbeat thrummed loudly in my ears.

It was half an hour past midnight. Mama was sleeping soundly in her room, weary after performing household chores. I knew that Evan would be awake, he generally studied late at night.

When I reached his door, I found it slightly ajar. Peeking in, I saw my elder brother, deeply absorbed in a book.

It's now or never, I thought. I summoned enough courage and stepped in.

"Brother, can I have a word with you?"

He turned around to face me, standing timidly at the door.

"What do you want with me? Go away, don't disturb me." He spoke acidly.

"It's important.... please hear me out. I swear it won't take long."

He raised an eyebrow at my desperation.

"Okay..... Spit it out."

I took a deep, shuddering breath. "It's about..... d-daddy."
I forced myself to call that man 'daddy'.

"What do you mean?!" He snapped at me.

I took a few more deep breaths. Sensing my delay, he rolled his eyes in an exaggerated manner and tapped his foot on the wooden floor impatiently.

God, get me through this. And I managed to choke out from my heart through my quivering lips the events of that night....

No sooner than I finished my story , I felt a crushing blow to my cheek and fell hard on the wooden floor. It took me some seconds to realize what actually happened. My elder brother Evan had punched me on the cheek with all his vigor. I felt a prominent, burning pain where he had punched me and a warm, oozing liquid. I touched the corner of my mouth, and I wasn't at all surprised to find that I was bleeding from the cut. 

When I looked up, I saw Evan looking down upon my small frame on the floor, disgust and extreme contempt burning like fire in his eyes. His teeth was curled upon his lips and his hands were balled into fists. But he wasn't done with me yet.

"You little filth!" He spat at me with gritted teeth and pounced upon me, a feral predator upon a vulnerable prey. Blow upon blow, punch upon punch I received from him.

"How dare you come and tell me all this bullshit about daddy! It's because of HIM that you're enjoying the conveniences of a home! Otherwise, you'd have been noxious and decaying in some goddamned dark alley! How can you be so ungrateful?!" His breath hissed through his gritted teeth as he landed a blow on my stomach.

Noxious and decaying in some goddamned dark alley?! What does he possibly mean by that?

Discerning the stupefaction in my face, he slapped hard on my already injured cheek and kicked me on my chest.

"For Heaven's sake, Erose..... YOU WERE ADOPTED! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. IT WAS HIM, MY DADDY, THE PERSON YOU'RE SHAMELESSLY BLUFFING ABOUT, WHO TOOK PITY ON YOU AND BROUGHT YOU HERE! After all the unnecessary love he gave you on your birthday..... let the Almighty damn you to the deepest pits of Hades!"

My mind went to a complete blank after hearing this.

I'm adopted?! That means, mama is not my real mother..... that means I've got no one to call my own.... I'm unwanted here...... I'm alone..... forever.....

"Die, you guttersnipe! Just die!" He landed relentless punches and kicks all over me with brutal force.

I no longer could feel the pain, my entire being focused on three words.....

"YOU WERE ADOPTED"

I don't want to live anymore..... kill me, brother..... oh, sorry..... what am I supposed to call you now?

With one last kick at my guts, Evan got off me and panted. If he continued his dreadful assault for even a minute more, I'd have passed out on the floor.

"Don't ever utter these words, or I'll kill you for real. Get lost!"

Slowly, I got up from the floor and without risking a glance at Evan, I limped my way out of the door, silently. I dragged my tortured body to my room upstairs, my safe and secured hideout. The soreness that resulted from Evan's inclement blows on my body was nothing compared to the tribulation that his words inflicted upon me.

Shutting my door, I collapsed into my bed. My body smarted at every movement, but I could care less.

So I was adopted. Why didn't mama tell me? Was she afraid to hurt my feelings? Why does she love me this much, even knowing that I'm not her own flesh and blood? Why doesn't she treat me like anybody else in the house, with odium and gall?

At that time, I realized that despite not being related by blood, she was the only person who loved me profoundly, just like I loved her. Conversely, it made sense why Daniel Miller violated me. I wasn't his own son after all. It felt as if me being his adoptive son gave him an unspoken right to pester with my body as he deemed fit.

I felt fresh, warm tears streaming down my face as a fresh grief clawed at my heart.

So this is supposed to be my destiny. Raped and beaten and tormented by the person who was supposed to protect me from all odds, to inspire me and stay beside me in all situations of life, happy or sad. After all, that's what a father does, a real father. It has nothing to do with blood relation, it only needed warmth, love and compassion. When a child feels loved, cherished and protected by his father, he calls him 'daddy'. What are you supposed to call a father who himself harms his child, adoptive or not?

I felt spent, exhausted and very much empty. There was nothing left to be said or done. I drew the covers to myself and made a vain attempt to sleep. By then, my tears have stopped.

If mama asks me about the bruises that Evan gave me, I'll lie to her. I'll tell her that I fell down the stairs at night when I got up to fetch some water to drink.

How many more lies would I have to tell? How long will it remain hidden as it is now?

How much more pain will I have to endure before I break into a million shards?

To be continued...