F*ck Me (Modern Cliches, #2)

The Beginning

Where the wonderings of my mind about how hellish and boring my life is, leads me to fall into a bottle of wine and question my life decisions.

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I was pathetic.

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind about it. My patheticness was far reaching and soul crushing in my mind. I worked as a librarian, dressed in button up blouses, sensible brown shoes, wore tights, and always had my hair pulled back. I looked like every single prudish and ridiculously screechy old spinster in every ridiculous tv show and movie there was.

I was a twenty-five year old virgin for crying out loud. And it wasn't for lack of trying. I had tried very, very hard to get rid of the proverbial chain hanging around my neck but if there were any takers, they seemed to avoid me like the plague. I didn't think I looked too bad. I took a heavy drink from my wine bottle and appraised myself in the mirror, like one does when they are contemplating the entirety of their life choices over a bottle of cheap white wine.

It wasn't even good wine. It was far too dry and had a wicked nasty aftertaste but it was all I had in my tiny and cramped apartment. I sputtered slightly as I took another drink before once again staring at myself in the dingy mirror over my bathroom sink. I wasn't usually one to be self critical but the fact I had been stood up on another date with a guy I thought I had a sure shot at, was a little crushing.

Dale Smith, so nondescript he reminded me of fucking wallpaper but he had shown a faint interest in me enough to ask me out and like some sex starved fiend I had jumped at the chance.

Which I had been stood up for...

For the fourth time in the two weeks. How was I so utterly repellent to guys wanting to date me?

I smoothed my hair back from my face. I knew I had a little bit of a thin face but I didn't think I looked that bad. Sure I was a little bit introverted, scratch that, a lot introverted. If one couldn't tell by my leaning towers of books I had on every available surface of the apartment and the lack of care I really put into my appearance. I had tried tonight though.

"And how did that work out for you?" I scowled at my reflection as I took another swig of the cheap wine before I lifted my chin up. I pointed at myself in the mirror and did my best to ignore the rosy feeling I was getting in my cheeks. "You need to find some faceless dick to jump on and ride into oblivion." I scowled at myself before ruffling my hair, trying to see what it would look like sex tumbled but when one didn't have a memory to go by, it was fucking hard. All I was doing was turning it into a rat's nest.

"Poor prudish little Ethel." I grimaced at my name as I patted down my tangled hair and headed into the cramped living room. My cat, Sibilance, meowed at me from the back of the couch. "Do you think I'm as pathetic as I feel?" I pointed at the fluffy black kitty and she meowed at me once more before pacing on the back of the couch, purring loudly. I couldn't help but smile at her. Such a sweet little kitty cat. I flopped over the arm of the couch and looked up at the ceiling as Sibilance jumped down onto my chest, kneading me with her tiny little razor blade feet as she purred even louder.

I winced as I moved her paws with my free hand. "Do you ever feel like there is more you could be doing, Sibby?" I watched her as she settled down onto my chest, closing her yellow eyes with contentment. "Of course you don't, you are a cat. You already have your life made. I, on the other hand, am nothing but a crazy, prudish cat lady." One might think that I was getting really hard on myself necessarily but I couldn't help it, honestly. I had wanted more from my life than what I currently had.

Sure I had great friends but I never saw them that often. I had a decent job that kept me in my cramped apartment and kept food in my belly and Sibilance's belly but I wanted more. I had once had dreams of getting married and having kids. I had wanted some wickedly hot man to sweep me off my feet and carry me off into the sunset. I chortled at that.