A Symphony of Idiosyncrasies

All the Girls Love Alice

Riley hates parties. She hates parties and people and pop music, socialising, dancing, the stench of sweat and alcohol. She despises it. And yet, again, she finds herself in a sea of writhing bodies, all because of her friends who wanted a "fun" night out. This, by definition, is the exact opposite of a fun night out for her. This is simply hell, though she can imagine a rendezvous with Hades to be quite entertaining. Maybe it's just life. The unending circle of despair, self-hatred, loneliness and utter boredom. Riley likes to be inside, preferably alone, reading a book or watching films or gaming. As long as it doesn't involve people she's fine, really. But sometimes she does feel lonely and tags along to these events even though she knows she'll regret it later. Not because she'll wake up with a hangover the next morning, she doesn't drink. It just intensifies her crippling anxiety. Then there is the fact that she always ends up alone at the bar, staring into the abyss of flashing lights and brilliant grins and slightly horny faces. Correction: Very horny faces. The later the hour the more explicit the dancing gets and the more uncomfortable Riley feels. Seeing those people all paired up and happy makes her jealous too. It doesn't help her self esteem that there isn't even one drunk guy hitting on her, either because she looks like her cat just died, or because she looks like she's too young to even be in the club. Surprisingly few people like jailbait apparently.

Sighing she turns to the barkeeper and orders another cocktail without alcohol that basically tastes like normal multivitamin juice but has a colourful name like "Pretty in Pink".
"Why aren't you out there dancing?" her friend asks her when she finally notices Riley still at the bar. "When in the fourteen years we've known each other, have I ever wanted to dance, Alice? Seriously. Like... do you even know me at all?" Alice just kisses her cheek noisily. "Don't be so dramatic, Ry! But thank you for coming with anyway." Riley smiles defeated. "Anything for you, love. Anything for you." Alice's date for the night joins them and orders another drink as well. "Hey, some friends of mine are coming in a few, is it okay for you if they join us?" Alice nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, the more the merrier! It's still early." "It's almost two in the morning, Alice." She just snorts. "Says the person who usually goes to bed at five a.m." Riley gives her a dirty look but then shrugs. "What? I'm a night owl, leave me alone." Alice throws an arm around her. "I will never leave you alone. You are the love of my life after all." Riley lets herself sink into her arms. "Yeah, I wish." Alice draws back and looks into her eyes apologetically. "I'm sorry." "It's okay really. Don't worry about it." "You're not mad? I'm always so insensitive, God. Why are you even friends with me?" "Cause I can't let you go, love. Now, take your hot bod over there and go dance. I'll pretend not to stare at your arses while you do, promise." Alice just rolls her eyes. "And I won't give you a show!" she chuckles while dragging her guy back to the dance floor. Alice gives her a show anyway and Riley totally stares.

Alice's date's (apparently he's called Lionel) friends actually do come by. A very awkward round of conversation ensues and then she's left alone again. In those instances, she hates the club the most. People are drawn to Alice like moths to the light, and Riley can't blame them. Alice is charming and kind, and so, so beautiful while Riley is overlooked easily. She's not ugly per se, but she's not pretty enough. She's not bland but she's not intriguing enough. She's easily forgotten because people just don't care about her. None of the five guys who introduced themselves to her will ever remember her name, they probably won't even remember that she was there in the first place. And it hurts. It really does because she's lonely and fragile and self-deprecating and why can't anybody just love her? She is twenty years old for god's sakes and has not had anything close to a romantic encounter in her life. Yes, of course, she could just go on Tinder and look for a guy to lose her virginity to, so she doesn't feel so fucking undesirable all the time, but she's too romantic for that. Plus sex isn't the thing she's looking for. She's looking for someone to make her feel valuable to herself. Someone who sees and admires her for who she is. She wants someone to cuddle at night and someone who cooks with her. A significant other. Because she wants to be significant to someone other. Right now she's replaceable for every single person she knows. Though, it has to be said that she doesn't hate herself completely. She has a cool sense of fashion, can cook, is a huge geek and very very bisexual. Pansexual. Whatever...labels, right?

Her night ends in her kissing Alice goodbye and wandering off. The city she lives in is not too big and it only takes her half an hour home. Finally, in bed, she just rolls into a ball and tries not to think about how sad she really is.