Lost For Words

A/N – Hey guys, I am not sure about writing 3 books at the same time so if you like this I will continue and If you don't...well I'll get rid of it I guess? Tell me what you think!

Have you ever taken something for granted?  When you realize too late what you needed all along?  Well, I did just that and you know how it makes you feel?  Indescribable, and not in a good way.  It gives you a chill that runs up and down your spine so that you feel constantly on edge and stressed.  The guilt is worse though, it is like being dumped in the ocean with a boulder tied onto your ankle, dragging you down until you can no longer breathe. The tears, they don’t stop they just keep flowing down your face and when you finally think your eyes have finally dried up you just collapse.  You collapse to the ground and cry, you cry so hard that no one dares to come and take care of you because they are so worried for you.

It has been a month.  A whole month have I been like this.  A whole 30 days since I made the worst decision in my life.  Before then my life seemed so wonderful, so many opportunities available and it felt like the sun was always shining wherever I went.

Now, now I can’t even walk to the door of my bedroom without crumpling into a sobbing heap.  My signature smile that is usually always pasted onto my peach coloured face is gone, as is the peachy colour that once tainted my face. My once joyful eyes that sparkled when I smiled are now dull, green orbs.

I gaze longingly into my bedside mirror, my hand rising to my running mascara.  Nowadays, I don’t even notice when I crying half the time because I am so used to it.  I am still not used to the ache in my heart.  My hand now moves to my waist which has shrunk rapidly.  I have lost far too much weight and I know it, but I just can’t bring myself to eat. When my mother brings me food I can’t eat it.  I just don’t have the strength or the appetite but I cannot bring myself to telling her that I get rid of it, because when she comes back at night and sees my empty plate she smiles because she knows I’m getting better.

If only she knew the truth…

You’re probably wondering how I got myself into this.  You’re also probably thinking ‘Wow, this girl has made a right mess out of herself’.  Yeah, if I were you I would think the same.  Well I am in a right mess and I will tell you how I got into it.

It started about half a year ago…

************

“Honey get downstairs or you’re going to be late for your FIRST day of school!”  My mother shouted up the stairs.  I knew she was just joking around though; my mum’s not the harsh kind.

“COMING MUM!”  I yelled back cheerily.  I quickly ran my fingers through my blonde ponytail which trailed down my back and gave myself a quick once over in the large bedroom mirror.  I was wearing a white blouse with denim shorts and some white converse.  Overall I would say it was a very good outfit for my first day at my new school.                I quickly applied some mascara and lip gloss, not wanting to look like a fake.

I gave myself a grin before I sprinted downstairs.  I swung my bag over my shoulder and whipped my phone and headphones off the kitchen table.

“I’m leaving now off to my new ENGLISH school!”  I shouted to my mum, beaming.

‘Have fun Pip, but don’t let those boys’ accents get to you!”  My mum sang back and I burst out laughing.

I skipped to the door and began my long walk to school. My mother had packed a map of the city in my bag in case I got lost, even though yesterday we went on a tour around the suburbs of London.  We lived in the quieter parts of London where the average people lived.  Yes, we are average people. Even though we make an average amount of money, we lived in a two storey house that actually made us look rather rich.  I really liked our new house in comparison to my old house back in Australia.