School hasn't been my favorite for years, maybe even since the beginning. I hate how it takes my energy away from me, how it snatches my positivity and breaks it piece by piece. I hate it so much. I hate the people I'm surrounded by (except for my friends of course). It's awful. To complete my last two school years I have changed the school I'm attending.
I miss my positivity, my optimism. Those used to be the things that people described me with. They would say, "she's so happy, so optimistic and positive. She has no evil or bad part in her". Would it have been a few years ago, I would've laughed and quietly agreed to most of it, I would tell them to stop talking about me because I would turn red like a tomato if they didn't.
I'm blaming school for this. My teachers are giving me way too much homework, too many exams to learn for and write, too many projects to finish. Some of my teachers don't like me and I can feel their dislike for me, within me. It's so clear, they prefer the other students more and I get it. Most of my classmates have been in my school longer than I have been, they built a relationship with their teachers that I would never understand but that gives my teachers no reason to dislike me. I have been graceful, hard-working and ambitious. I have done nothing wrong all school year. I have been the awkward, introverted kid I have always been. I gave no one a reason to hate me. I may have given one or two stupid answers in class when you called on me but understand that by calling on me without me raising my hand puts me under pressure and gives me anxiety. I don't like it.
My class is awful and sneaky. They all act like they are the center of attention and if something doesn't go their way, they have a reason to freak out and let it out on other people. Now, I don't know about your situation at home, dear classmate or whatever you wanna call yourself, but I know that it must be horrible if this is the way you treat people.
I am so concerned about my future. I feel like if I fail this year I'm totally screwed and I wish I had my old friends to go through this with but they are at a different school. I might have made amazing new friends, but it's not the same. I can talk to them about my struggles and they understand them but it's just not the same. We don't get each other the way we do with my other friends, it is totally fine with me because we haven't known each other for long but I need someone to understand me, someone who knows in what situation I am at the point. I need someone who knows that life is a huge bitch at the moment but also sees the bright side.
The good ole bright side. I miss you, I miss you more and more every day. Tell me, will I ever see you again? Will I ever get to meet you again? I can't wait any longer. I haven't seen you in so long. Did you miss me too? Did you? Because whenever I think about you all I remember is how carefree I was, how positivity oozed out of me. I wanna see you again, I really do. Every day I hope for you. Please don't lose your faith in me.
