In That Moment- A Chicago PD FanFiction

Chapter 6

Jay's P.O.V.

I'm jolted awake by people rushing in to the room, pushing me quickly out of the way. It takes me a few seconds to process what's happening, why all these people are crowded around the bed. Then I hear the noise of the machines, they aren't beeping anymore- it's a continuous ringing noise that makes me feel as if my own heart is going to stop. I stand there, frozen to the spot for a few seconds- the fear of losing her freezing me to the spot. I feel a hand on my arm, tugging me out of the room. The door is closed behind me, the nurse that dragged me out rushing back in to the room. I sink down in to the seat outside the door, head in my hands. I'm an idiot. All the things I still haven't said to her, the things I thought I'd have forever to say; yet again it's being called in to question.

I realise that I need to call Voight, he's her family and he should be here. I pull my phone out of my pocket, my hands shaking slightly. I type in the number, holding the phone up to my ear. "I thought I told you-" Voight barks from the other end of the phone, but I interrupt him. "You need to get here. Quickly." Is all I can manage to say, but I know he can hear it in my voice. There's a few seconds silence before Voight speaks again. "I'm coming." Is all he says before he hangs up. As much as he's the last person I want to see, I'm glad he's coming because I honestly don't think I can sit here and wait for the news. I can still hear them behind me in her room, orders being shouted and alarms ringing. It makes me feel sick.

Voight appears next to me only minutes later. I half wonder how he managed to get here so fast, but I know I would have found a way to if I was in his position. "How is she?" He asks, standing next to me. I shrug, I don't have any words. He looks past me in to the room and I can see from his facial expression it's not good news. He slowly sits down on the seat next to me, resting his head against the wall. I look across at him and I feel bad. I've always imagined Voight as being totally void of all emotion, but sitting here now I can see it's just a front. Erin's like a daughter to him and the thought of losing her scares him just as much as it scares me.

After a few minutes silence he speaks. "I'm sorry Halstead, this isn't your fault- I guess I just needed someone to blame.." He says quietly. The shock of getting an apology from Voight would have knocked me off my feet if I wasn't already sitting down. I honestly don't think he's ever apologised to me for anything. "I.. um.." I mumble, not really knowing what to say. We both jump to our feet as a doctor comes out of Erin's room, I can practically hear my heart hammering in my chest. "We got her back- she's a tough one. She's hanging in there for the minute.... There's a chance there could have been some damage. It's difficult to say at the moment, it depends on how long her brain was without oxygen. We'll just have to wait and see." He says to us, before walking down the hall. Voight and I both stand there silently for a few minutes, trying to process what we've just been told. "I.. I can't..." Voight says quietly, turning and walking away.

I stand there, watching him moving down the corridor. A part of me wants to follow him, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to be the person Erin needs me to. But I don't, I know I can't leave her there on her own. I walk back in to the room, and sit back down in the chair by her bed, where I've been sat nearly constantly since the accident. "Erin?" I whisper, not sure if she's awake or not. There's no response. "I'm so sorry... Please don't leave me... please... I.... I love you..." I whisper, the words slipping out of my mouth before I can even think about what I'm saying. I've never admitted it, never said the words out loud but the feelings have always been there, no matter how hard I've tried to push them down. No matter how hard I try to keep my feelings professional, it's always been there. I just hope I get the chance to tell her the truth.

Erin's P.O.V.

I've got a splitting headache, I didn't think anything could ever be more painful than lying on the floor in that warehouse but apparently I was wrong. I can feel my eyes filling with tears, I try to fight them back but they spill down my cheeks against my will. I thought I was stronger than this, but lying in this bed I'm scared. I have nothing in my life apart from my work and I can't help but worry about what's going to happen to me if I can't go back to work. The idea of someone else taking my place, sitting at my desk, joking with Jay breaks my heart. I open my eyes slowly, wondering if the room is going to start spinning again. Thankfully everything stays stationary. Jay's still there, sitting in the little chair he's been in every time I've opened my eyes.

"Hey.." He says quietly, smiling. The smile doesn't reach his eyes though and I can see how exhausted he is. I squeeze my fingers gently around his. "Thank you.... For being here... you didn't have to.." I mumble, I don't feel like I'm making any sense. He smiles at me again, it's more genuine this time. "I'm not going anywhere Erin." He says, and I believe him. I smile back at him, ignoring the pain it causes. "I love you.." It slips out before I can stop it. I can feel my face blushing bright red. He looks at me for a minute; I can see him trying to make sense of what I've just said. I know I'm going to have to tell him the truth, explain how I really feel. I try to catch my breath; my heart is racing- I can hear the machines beeping quicker and quicker. "It's the truth Jay- I'm sorry it just slipped out like that but... I've nearly died twice, it's made me realise I need to say these things, because I might never get the chance." My voice fades to a whisper as I finish speaking. He's still sitting there, staring at me with a facial expression halfway between shock and happiness. My heart is still thumping in my chest as I wait for him to speak. I still can't quite believe that just slipped out. I'm blaming it on the drugs; my head is all over the place. But it's out there now, I can't take it back. I don't want to take it back, I know I'd never have had the courage to say it to him- at least it's out there now, he knows how I feel. I won't be left with all the maybe's and what if's.

The moments pass and he still hasn't said anything, I'm not even sure if he's breathing. I'm about to speak again when he exhales loudly. I slowly pull my hand out of his, resting my head back against the pillows, waiting for the rejection that's coming. "Hey, Erin.. Please.. look that just came as a shock ok?" He says, reaching for my hand again. "I'm not saying no, I feel the same... I just think you need to concentrate on getting better... The rest we can deal with later?" He says quietly, and I nod slowly. I know what he's saying makes sense. He squeezes my hand, "So then- you love me hey?" He says, making me roll my eyes. I should have known he'd take the pee out of me. I stretch my arm out, pretending to slap him. "God knows why!" I laugh, wincing in pain- I'd forgotten how much laughing hurt my ribs. He smiles, leaning back in the chair. "I'm going to kick your butt when I get out of this bed!" I say seriously, making him laugh again. "I don't doubt it for a minute!" He laughs back.