Our Escape

"I am sorry..."

Where did I go wrong?
Is it miserable of me to think of helping someone?
My intuition told me to go after him but my brain...well it was self-pitying.
I thought that by helping him, I will be helping myself, the guilt on my shoulders would have reduced but he doesn't want help! He doesn't let me in!
I cannot help him if he doesn't let me, he has to try too...
Now my sadness was turning into anger, I wasn't wrong this time, I was trying to help him, he thinks that I cannot understand his condition, well no one can understand his condition better than me!!
I brought him to my place, tried comforting, made him feel like home and what does he even do! he doesn't even try to let me in.

"Ahhhh...", the room echoed because of my screaming, anger was taking over me, it was turning me into a person I am not, I was fed up of all of this, I started throwing things, everything which I saw in front of me was getting into smaller pieces.
The broken pieces of a vase wounded my hand, the blood was gushing out but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I started thinking about dad, about all the memorable moments. As I tried calming myself I  realized that this wasn't me, I was letting my anger control me.
If dad saw me like this, he would have been so ashamed of me, he would have been so disappointed to see his little princess in such a mess. I immediately stood up and started running, I was so busy in letting out my anger that I forgot that Sam has already left... I need to find him. Though he didn't want my help but I will not give up on him, not until he is independent enough.
As I reached the porch of my house, I realized that I don't know how to find him. It was extremely dark outside, it wasn't safe. I started walking, I didn't know where I was walking, I just followed my intuition. Suddenly I hear some sobbing, I followed the sound, I realised that I have just entered a placid alley. A figure was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands. I sighed when I realised that it was Sam, I was relieved to know that he was safe. I slowly made my way towards him and sat beside him.
"Sam, are you okay?" I asked politely.
"I...I am sorry... I am the rudest person ever! You helped me, you allowed me to stay at your place, you comforted me, you did everything you could, what did I do? Huh... I just insulted you, I made you cry, I don't deserve you, I don't deserve your help"
I could see that emotion in his eyes, I was very familiar with it, the emotion which makes you feel like crap- 'the feeling of guilt'.
"Shh...stop crying, don't be sorry, I know it was not you who spoke to me that way, it was those anxiety attacks which were making you act like a person you aren't. Don't do this to yourself, you deserve the world, you deserve to be happy"
I know he deserves a lot, he deserves a happy family, he deserves to be loved. Anxiety attacks itself are so hard and that insomnia was just adding more stress to his already messed life.

"So you forgive me? I didn't mean those words. I know you were trying to help me"

"Of course I do, and I knew that wasn't the real you"

"Thanks Macy!" the contentment was clearly evident on his face, I just smiled.

"Macy?" Sam looked a little confused .

"Yeah?"

"What happened to your hand? It is deeply wounded, doesn't it hurt?" he said this while examining my hand.

"N-nothing, it's just a minor cut, I don't remember when I got that... It doesn't hurt at all. Don't worry."

"Is there anything you want to share?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" I was a little terrified, I just hope he didn't hear me screaming.

"You zoned out after knowing that I have insomnia, I could sense that there was a look of hurt on your face. You know, you can share anything with me... I will do anything to help you, that's the least I could do in return"

I got really terrified, I wasn't expecting him to observe all of this, I should have been more careful, I don't want to make him scared my telling my experience, he already has a lot in his plate...

"N-nothing, stop overthinking, there isn't anything like that, stop imagining things"

I could see that he was not convinced, he knew that I was lying

"Let's go home, it's getting really dark and this alley isn't safe at all"

"Oh yeah, it's getting really dark" He stood up and extended his hand for me. I smiled and stood up with his help. Just as I started leading the way, Sam called out for me..

"Macy?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you promise me one thing?"

"Yeah, what do you want me to promise about?"

"Promise me that you will stay, you will trust the real me, you will stay even if I stupidly tell you not to"

His eyes looked at me with a lot of hope and pain, it was clearly evident that he was unsure of my answer. To the world, he was a mystery, eyeryone believed his act but to me, he was like an open book.

"I promise ..."
 
His eyes sparkled with happiness and that was everything to make me forget all the worries of my life.