Fixing my mistakes (Elorcan fan fic)

One

Lorcan clutched at his chest. The blood oath to Maeve...cleaved dishonorably. He was a shamed male now. What the hell had he done? And Elide...oh Elide. How she hated him now. I deserve it. He thought to himself. Lorcan surveyed his surroundings. Still that beach.

He stood and walked over to where Gavriel was lying on the ground. The look Elide had given him he supposed, had wounded him more than even the severing of the oath. She should hate him. Never should have chose him.

He doesn't deserve someone like her anyways. And she would die before him, after all she was mortal. Though if what the witch claimed of her was true...perhaps she could be immortal somehow?

Later, he would think about that later. For now he needed to assist Gavriel. Who had to be handling this worse than himself.

*First person POV*
I look down at Gavriel. He is clutching his heart as if he had been stabbed. Perhaps death would have been a better punishment than this...this void that now filled us both.  "Can you stand?"  I ask him.  He groans.  I kneel down beside him. 

"Get your sorry ass up.  Remember im dealing with the same feelings."  He growls at me and stands.  "Your son is still here.  You can be with him now and not have to worry about Maeve."  He just shakes his head and walks away.  Only to retch up whatever was in his stomach before this. 

I go and find Rowan kneeling on the sand next to a sword and a pool of blood.  Aelin's blood.  He looks up at me.  "You did this.  You got my mate taken away!" He growls.  He stands up and i brace myself.  Rowan punches me in the gut.  "This is all your fault Lorcan!" He says.  I can't help but feel he is right.  He walks away, head hanging down, to join the shapeshifter who once vomited on me what feels like years ago. 

She looks just like Aelin.  Even has that same annoying and arrogant swagger in her walk like her.  They all board the boat followed by several armies.  Galan Ashryver, The Silent Assassins, Ansel of Briarcliff, and the Bane.  So many, but will it make a difference in this war?

I follow everyone to the boat and go down to my cabin. I slump into my cot. The boat is silent. So so silent. Perhaps because everyone is stunned. Or perhaps they are thinking about how to get their queen back.

I just lay there off in thought for a while. Eventually i fall into a deep sleep.

I watch as Elide is whipped over and over again. I can't do anything but watch. My order from Maeve was given. Watch and do nothing. Carin raises the whip higher and strikes harder. Elide screams in pain.

"STOP!" I bellow. A cruel female voice beside me drawls "Isn't this fun Lorcan? Watching your love be tortured. You deserve this for betraying me. For thinking you know what is best."

I snarl at her. "I'll make you pay bitch!" Maeve just laughs beside me. "Carin, do it again." He gives a sadist smile. "As you wish majesty." He strikes her harder. I try to move but invisible chains hold me tighter.

"Lorcan! Lorcan please!" Elide cries between lashes. I try again to go to her. The chains only tighten. Maeve laughs. Carin continues to whip Eide. Over and over and over.

"Stop. Please stop. I'll take on my punishment and hers." I beg. Maeve laughs. "Now why would i do that when this IS your punishment. Watching the one you love most get tortured." I shake my head. Elide screams my name over and over between her cries of pain. Her back is a bloodied mess.

Over and over again. Crack, crack, crack. "Lorcan please! Help me!" Elide sobs. "Maeve STOP THIS!" I yell. She gives me an evil grin. "Alright, Carin end this." He smiles. "As you wish." He pulls out a dagger. He flips Elide over and she groans in pain.

Her eyes go wide as she beholds the dagger in his hand. And bigger yet as he plunges it in her chest. The invisible chains loosen and im able to run to her. Maeve laughs and that's all it takes before i hurl my hatchet at her.

She and Carin both disappear before it lands. I rush to Elide and pick her up in my arms. She is barely breathing. I know death is close. So so close. "Elide. Elide please hold on. Please." She smiles at me, her breath coming slower. Her smile fades as her chest rises and falls one last time. I look her in the eyes and see them close as Elide dies in my arms.

I jolt upright in bed. Breathing becomes difficult. I scent the whole boat. Alive. Elide is alive. Not being tortured. Not dead. Alive. I take a deep, steadying breath. That has to be the worst nightmare i've ever had. If she died because of me...later. I'll think of that later.

I climb out of bed and go to the upper decks. Being in the dark isn't a good idea for now. I need fresh air. I climb the stairs to the deck and look up at the stars. I make a note to be thankful i can see them at all. I could be dead. Should be dead. I've brought so much stress to Elide.

Stress she didnt need. Her life was hard enough before we met. It seems i only made it worse. I rest my arms on the railing of the boat. What have i done to her. I wanted to go to Perranth with you. I told her once.

She offered me the one thing no one ever has. A home. Not a house, but a home. It takes me a moment to hear it, but there is someone else up here. And they're crying.

No not just someone, it's Elide. Elide is crying. Sobbing. I follow her scent to where i find her crying behind some crates. She looks up shocked. "Are you...are you ok?" I ask her. She shakes her head and stands up. "She's gone. She's gone and it's because of YOU!" Elide cries. I take a deep breath.

"Elide im so sorry. I didn't mean for that to-." She cuts me off. "I know you didn't. But what's done is done. The Queen i waited 10 years for is gone yet again. You did this Lorcan. You lead her here." I sigh. "I know i did. And I'm so so sorry. Elide please...please forgive me." She shakes her head.

"Lorcan you aren't the only one to blame. But you had a major roll in this. I'm sorry but i want nothing to do with you right now. Don't talk to me again. Unless it's necessary i wont be speaking to you either." I shake my head. I wish she would have stabbed me instead. That would be better than this continually opening wound in my chest.

"Elide please." I whisper. She shakes her head. "I'm sorry Lorcan." Elide walks away and it feels like she ripped out a piece of my heart and took it with her. I take a seat on one of the crates and look out at the endless sea. What have i done? I send up a prayer to the goddess that watches over her. And one to Mala to watch over the fire-bringer.

Hours later i return to my room and fall into a sleep filled with dreams of endless black.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and let me know if i should continue! Thank you for your support it means the world to me! And if you're from Instagram then thank you so much for deciding to check this out! I love all of you guys so much and i hope you have a great rest of your day!
-Sunshine💛☀️