Struggling to Breathe

My Heart

I see CJ standing there. His eyes were filled with fear and pain.

        Honestly, I didn't know what to say to him. My eyes suddenly filled with tears, a wave of deep depression over came my body. CJ then dropped the roses he was holding behind his back.

                                            HE. SAW. ME. CUTTING.

        Blood was trickling down my pale arms and my heart stopped. I thought he was going to run out on me but he stayed, CJ slowly walked over and kisses my forehead and I could feel his tears running onto my face. Why would he stay? I don't deserve him, I don't deserve anything.

Sam: I am so sorry... I am so...

        My crying swallowed my words and overwhelmed me as I started crying even harder. CJ kissed me again and lightly caressed my leg. It helped to know someone cared so much, I melted into his warm embrace. The next thing I know CJ is carrying me to the bathroom.

CJ: I hope this doesn't sting.

        Then CJ uses a towel to dab off my fresh cuts. It doesn't really burn, although I don't feel much pain anymore. CJ made me promise to never cut again. He told me if I did, I would regret it. I believed him so I tried to keep my mind off of wanting to relieve the pain. After we got my arm cleaned up my mom came up to give us some snacks, I had already covered my cuts though. After we were done eating CJ and I climbed into my bed and cuddled for the rest of the night. My mom wouldn't care, nobody cares... but now I know that CJ cares.

        It was nice waking up to him looking at me with his soft eyes. It was just so comforting, he had his warm body pressed up against me and his arm wrapped around me.

CJ: I love the way you look when you sleep, Sam.

Sam: I love the way you look when you are, well, doing anything.

        CJ was so handsome, he had beautiful brown hair that flows down to his ears. He also has abs and a lovely set of eyes that are the color of the ocean. I mean, wow, waking up to this is a dream come true! He hugs me and I rest my head on his shoulder . Then he begins to get up and change into a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt. I slump down into my pillow under the comforter and think to myself...

          "Thank god it's Saturday".

        I finally decide to roll out of bed and change into a blue sweatshirt and some white shorts. Upon changing I get a powerful kiss from CJ, which leads me to blush and put on a big smile. I just think about being happy for once and skip downstairs. My mom had been gone for awhile at the store I assume. CJ and I leave my house and hop into his car, we were "heading somewhere special" according to him, I can't wait.

        The car rolls up to a old-fashion apartment building, I walk up to the front when CJ pulls a key out and unlocks the front door. The inside is decorated very carefully and neatly. 

Sam: Where are we? Its so quiet and beautiful in here.

CJ: It's my home, I'm not normally around... If you like you can stay for a night to get your thoughts together or if you want to just have a nice place to stay.

        I have CJ drive me back to my house so I can pack a weeks worth of clothing and my toiletries. On my way out the door I yell at my mom (who is home by now), that I'm leaving. As usual they bid no reply. I am so happy I am leaving this place for good. On my way down the front steps I jump into CJ's arms as he twirls me around. I feel free, for once, and it's a good kind of free.

        Upon the arrival of the house for the second time I have the biggest smile on my face, I haven't been this happy since... ever.

        CJ offers to go off and get some groceries as I take a nap in his bed. As I fall asleep I can smell him, just like he was actually next to me. I sleep for a few hours and woke up, my phone was ringing which was odd. I picked up the phone, it didn't sound like anybody I knew...

Man: Uh, yes. Is this Samantha Roses Berrington?

Sam: Yes, is uhh everything alright?

Man: Not exactly...