and all we had were memories

Kits PoV

I felt weird. But not in a good or bad way. Just weird. Very very weird. And uncomfortable. Sitting on the floor was just not my thing. I don't feel like sitting on the floor most of the times, because nowadays we have chairs and sofas and pillows. Sitting on the floor is unnecessary, but here I am: Kit Herondale sitting on the floor. 

Well, it's probably not my worst problem right now, but I would prefer to just not think about the past 24 hours. Not think about all the pain and loss. Livvia is dead and I just can't get used to that thought. Dead. Gone. Not alive. Not smiling. Not talking. Not training. Simply not moving. Just...dead. When I saw her, I cried. I never was much of a crying type, but seeing her so cold and silent, it felt so wrong. Livvy was supposed to smile and live and jump up and down and talk and hold Tys hand and... 

Ty.

I look over and see him leaning against the wall. We were sitting here for the past two hours, but he hadn't moved at all. Well, except for his hands. They are moving restless, opening and closing his fingers over and over again. My eyes search for his, but it seems like he is not here. Not in this giant hallway with me and the others. It looks like he was captive somewhere else. Like he couldn't escape his mind. His hands keep moving. It is terrible to watch. His arms are around his knees and his head is laying on his arms. After studying him for a few seconds, I realize that he tries to make himself as small as he could. Maybe he tries to escape the lonely reality, or maybe he is just cold. But it is obvious that he doesn't want to be here anymore. This was the place where his twin sister was murdered by his very own ancestor. He invited her to come to the Blackthorns, he wrote the letter and now he probably feels- I have no idea how he feels. For the first time in weeks, I feel like I don't know Ty at all. The last time I felt like this, Ty and Livvy were sitting in front of my room, talking to each other. 

It was my second day in the institute and I heard how Livvy sat down next to Ty. 

"What are you doing, Ty-Ty?" That was her voice, obviously. She sounded nice, her voice were a little higher than Tys.

"Nothing special. Sherlock tries to explain, how he found out that everything was just a giant fake, but Watson just won't get it..." And that was Tys voice. I kind of liked the sound of his voice. He sounded like the ocean. Clear and easy to understand, with a beautiful pronunciation of every single word. From that moment on I knew that I could listen to Ty the entire day without getting bored. 

"You know that he probably won't come out any time soon." , Livvia said. 

"I know." , was all Ty spoke in return.

"I want to tell you something, Ty-Ty. But you can't tell to anyone else, promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay", she started. "Do you remember the giant snake we found in our backyard?"

"Of course. It was a pacific rattlesnake. These snakes are high poisonous. Why?"

I didn't want to keep listening to them talking. I didn't care what they said about snakes or other stuff. I wanted them gone. And I also didn't want to seem like a spy or something. But as Livvia said: "Well, I have this little problem with finding it." I stopped and turned back to the door. As silent as I could I pressed my ear against the door. And as Livvia spoke again, I could hear her like there was no door between us. And then she said...

"I think the snake is in his room...", and Ty said:"Oh."

And then I realized that it was my room they were talking about and that I was him. After realizing that I panicked and opened the door as fast as I could and ran straight into Ty, who was sitting on the ground, directly in front of my door. Livvia sat on the other side of the hallway. I remember that I fell over Ty, but that I didn't care because I thought there was a rattlesnake in my room, which probably would already be after me. I ran down the hallway not caring about the twins laughing behind me. 

Thinking about this now, I smiled. But then I thought that it will never be like that again and my smile faded away. I glance over to look at Ty. I study him. His dark hair looks like he hadn't brushed it in years. His eyebrows go slightly down as if he would try to concentrate on something. What he probably does: breathing. And then his eyes. I have never seen anything like them before. His eyes are literally perfect. The color is a mixture of a light grey and a dark blue. His eyelashes are black, thick and beautiful...but the look in his eyes makes me sad. I stand up and look around for a second. Nobody seems to care what I do. Dru and Tavvy are asleep, Julian and Emma are gone and Diana looks tired. I walk over to Ty and sit down next to him. 

"Hey..." , I say. Seriously Kit?! Hey?! That's got to be the most stupid thing you have ever-

"Hi." , Tys voice sounds rough and shaky, as if he had no control over it.

"How do you feel?" , oh by the angel. I got to be the dumbest person on this planet. 

I look at Ty, but he doesn't answer, so I surprise both of us by taking his hand and rubbing it, like Livvy always did, when Ty was stressed. And it seems to work at least a little bit. Ty relaxes and from one second to another, he just loses his strength to sit. It looks like all his muscles just gave up in the same second and the next thing I knew is that he leans against me and whispers something. As I listen more closely I could hear the words why why why why why why why coming out of Tys mouth. 

Oh god. What am I supposed to do?

So I do the only thing that seems to make sense in a situation like this. I pull him closer to me and hug him as tight as I can, just like I did on the roof of the institute. He needs to know that I am here for him. I stroke his back and mumbled stuff like: "It's okay, Ty. I am here for you" or  "Let it all out. I won't leave." or  "Just breath. It's going to get a lot better." or just a quiet "Ssshhhht." into his hair. After a few minutes, or hours? I don't know, he really calms down. And before I know what's going on, he falls asleep, while I am holding him. I look down and see his face. He is beautiful, but you could easily see the pain in his fine features. From now on, I won't leave him. He needs me and I need him and I won't go away. I won't run away, because there's finally something to stay for. Ty.

And with that vow, I closed my eyes and drifted right into the darkness still holding Tiberius tight.