A Happy Heart (Chanbaek One-Shot)

Final.

Chanyeol woke up to the sound of some sort of commotion outside their dorm. He furrowed his eyebrows and reached out for the digital clock on his bedside table. 2 am? Why would they go here this late? He shook his head and moved his body slightly to the edge of the bed as his dangling feet tried to find his slippers. Fans are really unbelievable, he thought, sure no one would break in and steal a pair of boxers again, right? The thought made him smile a bit. He ruffled his hair and turned to wake up his roommate who was sleeping quietly across the room. 

“Baek--” he said as he turned around, but much to his surprise, the bed was empty. His voice broke and his gears turned for a bit. Could it be? After a few seconds, he found himself by the window pane peeking through the blinds. Not much people really. But what disturbed him was the look the fans had on their faces. They all looked confused; bewildered even. It was like he was looking at a mirror. 

He was about to ask the other members when something outside caught his eye. He was halfway to the door, but his feet were immediately stopped when his brain registered what he saw or what he might have seen. Ani, he said, and rubbed his temples hard. His head was throbbing because he lacked sleep. Tao insisted on having a movie marathon and he had no choice but to succumb to his tantrums. 

Right, just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, something hit him. Baekhyun wasn't there last night. Figures. Then and there he knew who to look for. He opened the door and headed straight to the last room in the hall. 

“Sehun-ah.” he called. His loud knocks echoed across the empty halls-- they weren't knocks actually, but loud bangings on the door that expressed his anxiety. It was unbearable. 

“Wae? This late?” A one-eyed Sehun popped out from the door, his hands lazily twisting the doorknob to and fro. “It wasn't locked.” Chanyeol bit his lip and held Sehun's shoulders. 

“Sehun-ah, did Baekhyun come with you and Luhan last night?” He was jittering and his eyes were brimming wide, just to emphasize how eager he was to know what Sehun might say. But the latter didn't seem to get it. He shrugged Chanyeol's hands off and turned to head back to his bed. 

“Yah! Answer me.” He was shouting now. Oh, he was so desperate. 

“Channie, it was only me and Luhan who went to the grocery. Ask Lay. He went jogging last night too.”

Chanyeol just nodded at the maknae who was already fast asleep at that time. His voice was almost inaudible but he loved his ears at times like this. He walked out of the room fast, not even bothering to close the door, and soon enough he was stopped by a voice echoing across the hall, “Chanyeol-ah! Close the door.” 

It was Luhan. He ran back to the room and closed the door, smiling particularly to no one at all. His breathing was ragged now as he found his way to Lay's door. 

“Yeah?” Chanyeol was delighted when he stood in front of Lay who was still in his sweatpants and was still wide awake. He knew it was quite impossible but he asked anyway, thinking it was Lay who just got home and that explains the fans outside. But his smile faded when Lay shrugged with a solid no. 

Go figure. What he might have seen a while ago from his window must be true. He headed downstairs and he could've sworn he died when he saw the view from the living room window. 

Chanyeol felt weakness on his knees, and soon enough he was holding on to them like dear life. He fell down the floor and rested his chin on his knees, rocking himself back and forth. He was just... broken.

He closed his eyes exasperatedly and processed the whole thing inside his head again. Truth was, he knew about it for quite a while now. Baekhyun told him-- he was the first to know. It made him happy, it made him feel like he was really his bestfriend. 

And ironically, that's the part that hurt him the most too. 

Because Byun Baekhyun, to him, wasn't just his bandmate or bestfriend. His mind knew his heart better than that. It hit him, one epiphanic night, that the four years they've been together wasn't a joke. He got something out of it and that's something he regrets. He knew Baekhyun could never reciprocate his feelings, nevertheless accept it either. He tried instilling this into his mind but he always failed miserably. He wasn't the type to lie about his heart, no matter how much pain it has brought him. Four years was enough. His heart suffered too much and so did he. It's now or never, he thought, he wouldn't lose anything. But how he hated himself for listening to an inner voice inside him that reminded him of their amazing friendship. 

Park Chanyeol was losing his mind now. He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to confess but part of him wanted Baekhyun by his side, even as a friend. He's gone to a point where his reasoning was clouded, and one silly thought managed to find its way to his system. “Baekhyun just had a date with Taeyeon noona, sure he would be in a good mood right?” He was all over the room, dragging his long legs lazily in long strides that echoed in the empty sala. 

A free heart is a happy heart.

His Suho hyung's word rang in his ears and it didn't help at all. If he wanted his heart to be free, he'd have to confess. But logic tells him he wouldn't be happy. Baekhyun would stay away from him and that was the last thing he wanted. 

Then what is a happy heart?

Byun Baekhyun, for himself. The voice in his head pleaded again. But he's with Taeyeon now, he answered. He is happy now. With her. 

How about you Chanyeol, what would make you happy?

He clenched his fist and grabbed onto the hem of his shirt, squeezing it as though it was what was done to his heart right now. 

Baekhyun. He makes me happy. His annoying jokes, his tantrums, his chubby cheeks, his rectangular smile. When I realized I loved him, I knew I'd give anything for those. But what's ironic is now I have to  supress my feelings just to enjoy those things he does and just to be by his side. I know there's nothing else beyond our friendship but I will work at that. Just as long as he is in my life. It's hard, but that's what I have to endure. That's what I had to endure. 

Chanyeol looked out the window one last time, just as they were about to kiss, and he felt the numbness wash his pain away. 

Be happy with her Baekhyun. I always have and always will be in love with you.