Brother and I.

   I sat there gobbling down a bowl of cereal wearing a red-collared shirt with a dirt-stained white pair of cocks chucks. I was a normal kid just like any other I hated school. Though I despised it I did most of my homework, and I liked processed sugar like in candy, just as most normal kids do.

This was the routine: I would wake my brother Gideon up and have a nice bowl of marshmallow chunk cereal. My brother and I both loved the taste of the marshmallows and especially the crunch that they made when your teeth sank to them. My brother and I well we did almost everything together from doing homework to going to mountain biking.

My brother was more than a brother, he was also my friend and since I did not have many friends in comparison to others at my school, that friendship was powerful. We did the same routine for the most part until once something changed. The screeching of my Mickey-Mouse shaped green alarm clock woke me up. Oh, how I hated it and then I went to wake my brother up as we usually do. To clear this up my brother is a pretty hard sleeper I had to once slowly pour water on him to wake him up since we have this clear we can move on. I went to wake my brother and something just did not feel right, I'd bet you know the feeling though something just didn't quite seem right so I just continued as I usually would. When I went to wake my brother up I started with the verbal " Hey yah gotta get up bruv and ready so we are not late for school" after a quick pause which seemed to last far longer than it actually was there was no response. I thought quietly to myself about what I should do next. I then proceeded to try to wake him up by brushing his gold oily hair which gleamed in the light of the rising sun. Still nothing except for stone cold silence that was like the sound of an alone spaceman, deep almost so quiet that is nearly seemed compressed in the room. I then set an alarm and intentionally twisted the dial to set it off in hopes of waking my brother up. Still nothing except for the sound of the slow wind that had started to flow from south to north. I then went and got dad because usually, it does not take this much to wake my brother up and usually he can do it if I can not do it. So I bellowed for my dad to help my brother "Dad I tried to wake Gideon up I need your help to get him up and runnin' or we'll not get to school when we need to" the was my last sentence still thinking that I had my brother by my side. Then my Dad came stomping into the room with concern in his eyes he then began alarming his that we were gonna be in trouble because we were not at school for the assembly. Then my dad exclaimed at me to leave the room and to start getting ready with the scarce in his voice. I was a very curious and questioning child so being the kiddo I was, I walked out of the room closing the door the walked down the hall to make my Dad think I was going to get ready and quietly moving back towards the door. When I reached the door I booked to the floor and looked under it into the room I saw my dad brushing his hands through my brother's golden hair while he passionately bawled. He then proceeded towards the door that I was observing from so I quietly schlepped to my room and sat down on my chair in the corner next to the chilly and cool window. I realized then what had happened to my brother I knew it I just had begun to take it in and analyze what I was going to do and what I thought was going to happen. I started off with how I was going to act when my Dad came into the room to tell me what had happened though I already knew because I had heard his footsteps from his hard-soled black shoes coming down the splintery floor. It was then that things began happening in slow motion and it felt like my Dad would take almost forever before he reached my door and opened it with grief on his face. Then after what felt like ages, I heard the doorknob squeal as the door opened. He walked in with grieve in his teal eyes as he says down on the bed looking me in the eyes, a tear ran down his cheek he then opened his mouth as if he was going to begin to speak then could not and muffled himself. I proceeded to ask a question I already knew the answer to, "Hey is something wrong?" he then allocated "Yes something very much so.... your brother well" there was a pause "Your brother he....well he has passed away...." then another tear ran my Dad's face and then broke down. I already knew although the crying that I began to produce was not to fool my Dad into thinking I did not know it was because it was different hearing it outloud then it was in my mind. I went over and sat next to my Dad on the gray comforter. We sat there we did not really say much and it was almost like we had some sort of telepathic shit going on and we were talking without talking if that makes sense. We then called the school to tell them what had happened and that I would not be there at school for a little. I tried to distract myself and put some tv on on my large and not so flat screen and flipped through the channels. I stopped on a show that I really liked and hit "select" on the remote. I began watching I had to turn it off though because it reminded me of my brother. I could not distract myself and not much happened for a while until I went back to school. When I went back to school I walked in with my backpack on and sat down on a chair in a classroom that I would sit in if I was super early. I took off my backpack and I just sat there I did not say much. Kids would walk down the hall and I would see them in the corner of my vision although then would not look or react and just continued to stare at the speckled grey tables. The bell then rang for me to go to class. I went to class and everyone recognized that something was different and realized that something was off. Everyone comforted me so much and it felt so nice and the funny part was the big things were not even what would really touch me. It was the small little things that people did like those that would not normally talk to me just say something simple. Years and years went on and it still felt as if a hole was in my heart until one day and I felt it that morning when I woke up. This was 35 years and change later I was sitting at the round table that my father had handed down to me after his death a decade before and I was there with my son. We were eating that marshmallow chunk cereal and something just clicked. I began to realize that though my brother was maybe not there like most people think maybe he was still there for me and if I had not began dwelling on his death maybe I would be able to see that. I then began to feel like that hole was patched slowly and slowly. Though it was now patched it still had to dry I almost did not want it to. I don't really know why though I mean to almost anyone it would seem that you should be glad or relieved that that dark cloud was replaced with a beautiful sunny day with no clouds and sun filling the air. I realized though that there are so many things that you can do on those cloudy days that you could not do with the sun. Like even go outside without putting sunscreen something seemingly stupid but was a nice change. Or even just looking up and trying to picture things in the coulds. I realized that though it may have seemed like the worst thing maybe some aspects of having my brother were nice from having more of that cereal all the way to getting this larger perspective years and years after what had happened. I realized that though something may have gone wrong long ago I should not allow that to make other things go wrong now.