Heartbreakers

-6-

I woke up from my nap feeling not-so-refreshed. I didn't feel rested, happy, or rejuvenated. Those self-love bloggers need to give me my money back! A nap is clearly not an efficient way to treat yourself! A nice man is more like it... But nOoOo Carter had to go and freaking ruin that... I was wallowing in my self pity when my father knocked on the door.

"Your mother said you ran off this morning. She also said you were giving her attitude when you came back," he said as he walked in. Why is it that parents knock and then come in anyways? Why do they knock at all if they aren't gonna wait for a response?

"Where'd you go?" He asked, then he sat on my bed.

"To a friends place. You don't know them," I said.

"Why were you talking back to your mother? You know she hates it."

"I wasn't. She thinks anything I say is talking back. You do realize that you have to verbally respond to someone for something to count as a conversation, right? I literally spoke back," I said. I was annoyed, but not with him, with her. She had to fight me on everything.

"Please, you need to respect your mother. She only wants the best for you," he asked, like he was begging me.

"No, she only wants the best for herself."

"That's not true, your mother is just trying to do well so she can afford to take care of you," he argued.

"Really? Then why aren't I in a private school? When I left Rutherford High School why'd I go to the equally shitty Washington? Or go to online school? You had an opportunity. Exeter, New Hampshire elite rally has one of the best private schools in the world," I said.

"I didn't know you wanted to go to private school..."

"Maybe you would've known if you actually talked to me," I sighed.

"We do talk."

"Not really. That's why you hired Dr. Mikado, right?"

"Oh... Speaking of him, we probably need to book you another appointment soon..."

"That's exactly my point!" I said, I was getting frustrated.

"So, you don't want to see him?"

"No... I do... I just don't want him to be the only one I talk to... You know?"

"I know, sweetheart..." He said, then he leaned in to hug me.

I could tell he didn't get it. How could he? His life was led in devotion to my mother. Sometimes I doubt she lets him have emotions of his own. I don't know how she got him so wrapped around her finger... He gave me a kiss on the forehead then got up and left, leaving me behind as frustrated as I was before he came into the room.

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The next morning I got up and prepared myself for the day, I was not going to be swallowed into the whirlwind of a hell-hole that was my family. I threw on some fishnets with some battered-to-bejesus mom-jeans over them. I wore a black wrap top and my trademark red lipstick, throwing my hair up into a messy bun. I left the house and went exploring, finding an empty park nearby. I sat on the swing and lit up a cigarette, watching the grey skies darken and lighten as the sun passed behind them. It was a strange type of beautiful, but isn't everything? Isn't all beauty dependent on how we perceive it? Isn't everything beautiful, we just decide some things are more beautiful than others?

My phone buzzed.

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Elias: Wanna hang 😉