Musings

Beloved

It is funny, I think, when people tell me that they believe that Laura was my beloved. Ha! As if! Why, the very idea is rot! That girl was a fool! An imbecile! All she ever was to me was a life force, extra potent merely because of the bloodline she shared with me. But no, I never felt any love for her. She was only ever a pet, a toy, an amusement. She was no beloved of mine! Perhaps I did care for her a little, once upon a time, but it wasn't nearly as much as you think it was. Instead, it really was the way one viewed a servant. She was lovely and sweet and delicate, just the way I liked, but she carried no real substance. She was nothing to me. She was only ever special in the regard that she escaped my clutches and published a tale about our time together. Had that book never been written, she would've been no more to me than her cousin or all the other young women with her blood that I had seduced over the centuries.

It really does amuse me that you humans think so highly of us. Does it please you, perhaps, to assume that we were lovers? Does it fulfill some strange fantasy within your minds to tell yourself that she and I were lovers? Or perhaps, is it merely because she wrote an epic love story about us that you assume we certainly had to be lovers. Perhaps I noticed her interests and perhaps I toyed with her emotions, but I assure you that I felt nothing more for her than what a man might feel for a woman at a bar. In addition, I know she was merely confused. There was no true feeling on her part either. At least, not the way she thought. Perhaps her attractions to me were real in that they were felt, but would they have lasted? No. I think not. There was far too much innocence within her. She would have never stayed by me had she known! She was simply curious. I was not.

So for all of you foolish people out there who believe that she was my beloved, I assure you she was not. She was no more special than any of them were. The only decent one I ever met was a couple decades prior to Ms. Laura. That woman was something special. She had a head on her shoulders that Laura did not. She was far smarter, stronger, braver and resourceful than my Laura. She nearly figured out my secrets and actually fought me to the death. A well-fought battle if I ever saw one! and from a woman, no less! She had been brilliant! Laura was not. Laura was a fool. An innocent, naive, idiot who didn't see what was right in front of her. That other woman was not. She knew and she flirted with it before ultimately fighting against it. I have yet to meet anybody as fiery as her which is both a pleasure and a disappointment. Paradoxical, I know.

But perhaps someday I will meet somebody again who will give me a challenge that I have not seen since. Somebody far more invigorating that Laura who was no different than the long line of other senseless, stupid girls I so easily manipulated. I just hope for your sake that my next "beloved" is not you. But if it is, please, do challenge me! Don't do what all the others did and sit idly by, making the game boring. I want you to find out. I want you to learn. I want you to fight. It makes things so much more interesting for me and it makes my victory all the sweeter!

AN: This was just meant to subvert the old "Laura is Carmilla's true love" thing because we technically don't know if that's true. All we get is Laura's side of the story and she's certainly not a reliable narrator. Instead, this story switches things up and writes Carmilla in a darker and more "Prince Hans" light where she confesses she never loved Laura and, instead, only liked to feed off of her goodwill because, let's face it, book!Laura is basically 1870s Bella Swan. At best, Carmilla says that her capacity to love here is low and if you do want to be one of the girls she actually likes as a person, you'd better have a wit to rival her own and, please, don't be a Laura!