The Hermaphrodite Accident

Ethan awoke at 6:26 A.M. on a Thursday morning, just in time to witness Woodstock's most stunning sunrise yet cascading in through his apartment windows.

His girlfriend, Ava, was still conked out against his shoulder, her flushed, sweaty cheek pressed against his collarbone, her stumpy legs tangled with his under a knitted afghan. Ethan reached an arm and stroked her cheek, admiring her simple, anti-cosmetic beauty -- the unplucked eyebrows, the little blemishes speckling her forehead, the dried saliva clinging to her cupid's bow. As she turned her head restlessly away from him, her long, wavy hair tickled his skin. She snored softly against his chest, exhaling warm breath on him.

Slowly and meticulously, he detached Ava from the enclosure of his tight, hot body. Sleep refused to drown his racing thoughts, so he escaped the confinements of a reclined position and took to pacing the length of his apartment. He stopped short for a moment, to assess his performance as a boyfriend. He’d left Ava curled up alone on a dingy leather couch identical to the color of a shamrock. It sported many flavors of spilled sodas and crusty globs of mozzarella cheese that had rolled off steaming pizza slices onto sagging cushions.

Last night, they’d both drifted off to sleep cuddling on this couch while watching Ava’s favorite comedy Airplane. There had been lots of popcorn kernels caught between teeth as they had kissed during the funniest scene. Her lips had tasted salty with movie theater salt, and her skin had been slippery with butter.  Each moment had been filled with laughter, and Ethan couldn’t remember a better evening ever spent together as a couple.

Ethan touched his lips lightly, smiling at the memory. Every kiss always felt as magical as the first one they had shared that sunset on Crane Beach where Ava’s parents had been watching. It had been their first summer break as college students, and they had already been dating for two months with no physical action. They had been standing ankle deep in Crane’s infamous pink sand as they had talked about everything and anything, watching as the crests of waves broke suddenly on the coastline. And just as suddenly, Ava was grabbing his shoulders and yanking him down to her level. They had made eye contact briefly, before Ava pressed her lips to his, and then Ethan was drowning in her chocolate brown irises right next to the ocean.

Life didn't get much better than the paradise he was waltzing through. Ethan was dating his soul mate, he had pinned down a steady job for more than six months, and had finally graduated college with a bachelor's degree in culinary arts after working his ass off for forty months. Not to mention he'd managed the rent on his place and had kept his mother off his back since Christmas break. Getting laid at least twice a week was always a perk, too.

He shrugged, grinning at future that was all uphill from here.

After struggling into a clean gray t-shirt and jeans, he steeped through  the threshold into a sterile kitchenette to prepare breakfast for his girlfriend. Thirty minutes later, he had scrambled up some eggs and had laid out a beautiful spread across his discounted dining table. He took a seat in one of the two chairs, staring at a vacant porcelain vase when an idea occurred to him.

Ducking through the doorway onto a small terrace, he kneeled in front of a plant stand that displayed a spectrum of bright blossoms. A flash of purple caught his eye and the symbolic meaning of this flower from the old farmer's almanac blinked in his thoughts. Perfect. Ethan used garden shears to snip a small cluster, wrapping the stems in a damp napkin to keep the bouquet hydrated and all together.

When Ethan sauntered back inside, Ava was already awake and sniffing around the food. She was dressed in one of his button downs that was so long it hung right above her knee caps. The sleeves had to be rolled up several inches and bunched around the elbows so she could actually make use of her hands. The fabric hung loosely over her curvy body and small boobs, and her light brown hair swished freely against her back. Her bare feet left ghostly footprints on the tile floor. After admiring a stack of microwaved tortillas, she looked up and finally noticed Ethan standing next to her, chuckling silently as he watched her peck around like a curious sparrow.