Sometimes the heart can't get what it wants

A hart that wanted to be fixed

Well hi I'm not gonna tell you my name but I'm gonna tell you my age I'm 18 -year-old Boy who happens to be gay i've had my heart broken many times and I have broke some usually my heart tells me to do something I do it but before we get into let me tell you why the chapter title says a heart that wanted to be fixed now I'm not gonna go into this relationship but let's just say this is my first relationship I ever felt like I loved this person I would do anything for this person long story short I found out that this person was not for me this person run away with my best friend so as you would guess I was very very heartbroken by this I stopped dating I stop looking I had no hope after this person I didn't wanna touch anyone else this person hurt me and I didn't want anything to do with anyone else that could do the same I was scared I was scared that if I was to get close to someone else that they would do the same I was going through a lot when this was going on I lost a friend I lost a boyfriend I thought I lost it with that little backstory I didn't have many friends in school I was this a set alone a child but I liked it yes I spoke to people here and there and everyone knew my name but I just didn't want to hang out with anyone I never got invited to parties I never got asked to play but that was okay because that's what I liked I just didn't want to be hurt say all my life I've known people could hurt me so I went to animals animals were my safe zone a where I could just be me animals don't judge only way I'm walking hurt yourself they bite you we going up and off track let's just say I've met boy A couple months after a boy I already knew I knew this boy when I was going out with my ex but I started to get more involved with this boy talking to him getting to know him this boy told me a lot about his life and how he had a mother here the father didn't know how to express his love he have a stepmother who he was very close to at one stage now can't stand who is with his stepbrother who stays in his room all the time doesn't want anything to do with him that broke my heart even more than what it was I want to help him so I started talking to him every day and he spoke to me too he spoke about what he did that day this wasn't always easy speaking to him on the phone because sometimes out here is that in the background yelling at him about stupid little things that And the way he yelled it was like you didn't care that's all he would do is yell I would tell him it's okay but I knew farewell that that is no way to live this boy had some incidents with suicide that scared the shit out of me because some reason I didn't want to lose him I really did not want to lose him and then I started to think why I didn't want to lose him I came out with possibilities when I did that scared me I had to put all my feelings aside until this one-day I will never forget this day this boy was having a very bad day I can't remember what happened but he was very very upset and he didn't live any more I started talking to him overtaxed and it ended up saying something like this. "I don't think I want to be your friend" I have replied back with " but why do you not want to be friends at all" he said I don't know how to say it" just saying I replied" and I remember waiting and waiting for a reply and eventually happen in the reply it basically said that he loved me that terrified me I got scared yes I did tell him I love him to what is 100% more like this I do love him after that day we never really spoke about nothing happened we didn't go on a date I feel like it scared me that much that I was to afraid to ask him does he want to be my boyfriend so I ended up just pushing my feelings aside until..........