First Glance

Chapter 4 (Matt)

I awaken from my blackout. Why does this always happen to me? I can't remember a single thing from these last few days. I missed Monday,  Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am missing my life.

I go to school. It's Thursday. My teachers say the usual crap about
how they missed me and were worried about me. I don't believe a word. But I keep my mouth shut.

It's been forever since I have seen Kasey. At least that's what it feels like. I see her coming towards me now, her face full of concern.

"Are you okay? Where were you? Are you hurt? I was worried about you!" All the words flow out of her. Too fast for me to catch up. I look at her in a bit of a daze. Then she rushes up and hugs me.

My heart stops. I hold my breathe. Slowly I wrap my arms around her. She smells like heaven, flowers, and perfume. I think back to the last time i showered. Damn. At least four days. I must reek.

She takes a deep breathe, as if she is taking my essence into her, making it hers. She finally releases me. She takes a step back and looks at me. "Your OK?"

"Yes. Im perfect." I reassure her. She giggles, making my blood rush to my face. "I passed out for some reason."

"Drugs?" She inquires. "No, I wouldn't touch those." I tell her. She squints her eyes. Then shrugs. "Im just glad your OK." She tells me.

"Me too." And indeed I am. I hope to find out what happened someday. Although, I usually never find out what I do in my blackouts. I just lose days of my life. Days I will never get back.

"I'm excited for next weekend." She grins at me. The excitment of going on a date with her comes back. I smile wide. Wider than I have in years. "Yes, me too" I tell her, trying to show all of my excitement in my eyes.

"I have to go to class, but I will see you at lunch." She hurries off. Im really happy now. Not only was she worried about me, she plans on sitting by me.

The rest of the day seems to go to slow. I await her company. Every second seems to take hours. 

Finally lunch arrives. I get lunch then head to my usual place, which is a table tothe far left of the lunchroom. Where nobody else sits.

I eat my lunch slowly. Waiting for Kasey to come. I see her getting her lunch. And then I see him.

Patrick makes his way to my love, And all I feel is jealousy. They talk for a few minutes.  I desperately want her to just come to me.

Finally, she waves goodbye to Patrick, and heads toward me. I smile at her. She smiles back with a smile only she has. It is lovely.

"How is your day going?" She asks as she sits down. "It's been OK. Much better now that you are here." I grin at her. "What about you? How is your day going?"

"Not good." Her eyes brim with tears. Everthing in me makes me want to help her. "Kasey what's wrong?" I ask her.

"The day has been going fine. It's just that..." She trails off. I don't speak anything, waiting for her to feel comfortable enough to say it.

"A year ago today my parents got divorced." Her face contorts with inner pain. My heart breaks for her.  "Im so sorry." I tell her. This is something no words can heal. So I just hug her.

Her tears start falling. Getting all over my shirt. But I don't care. I gently wrap my hands around her face and tilt her head upward, towards me own. "I'm here for you."

Her sobs increase. "Matt, thank you so much." I wipe a tear of my own. Kasey is in so much inner pain. I want to make it better. But, I know I can't.

Finally she stops crying. She takes her head off my chest and turns her eyes toward me. "What are you doing after school"  She asks me.

I look at her for a minute. What is she getting at? "Nothing" I reply "Just homework".

She smiles. "You should come do it at my house". I love this idea. "That sounds great lets do it" I say. "Can we still hang this weekend?"

"I'm planning on it" She says, winking at me. I smile. I look at the clock. One minute till the bell . She looks too. We both scarf down whats left of our food and rush to through down our trays and grab our backpacks.

"Meet me behind the school when we get out?" Kasey asks me. "Yes" I tell her. "See you later" I wave her off. I can't wait till school gets out.  

The day goes by slowly. All I can think about is Kasey, so it's not like I'm learning anything either. I wonder if I ever cross her mind when I'm not around.  I doubt it.

Finally the last bell. I rush to my locker so I can shove a few books inside, then head to the back of the school. She isn't there yet. I wait.

It's only been a few minutes before she arrives. "Hi" she greets me
"Ready to go?" I remember that I brought my car and she always walks.  Simple solution.

"Can I drive us?" I ask her. She nods amd says " Yes, I would like that." I start walking towards my car and she follows. She catches up to me amd starts walking right beside me.

Her hair bounces against her shoulders every time she takes a step.  It's like honey, so soft and shiny. I just want to touch it. She catches me staring, she blushes. Her blush is so innocent, yet at the same time playful.

We reach my car and I offer to put her stuff in the back. She says that would be great, then gets into the passenger seat.

After putting her stuff in the car,  I get in too. "You know the way to my hou-" She cuts off. Yes. Yes I do. She looks scared for some reason.  I know what I did was not right, but it wasn't the worst I've ever done, and it never will be.

She changes the subject "How was your day?" I smile at her. "It was not too bad" I reply "What about you?"
"It was good" She says shortly.

Looking at her reminds me of my life. The home I don't ever want to go back to. I wish I didn't have to. And then I start having bad thoughts.

I could just leave. Take her with me. We get to her house. Instead of stopping the car, I accelerate forward.

"What are you doing?!" Kasey screams. I don't answer. I start driving off.  Far from this shitty town, far from this house, and far from my mother.