Adding some blush to my cheeks i smiled appreciably at the person staring me back from the mirror,
He always loved it when i dressed nice, he might not tell me through words but it was sure to be displayed through some extra possessive yet loving actions.
2 years, a long time but not as long when you have the sweetest and the most loving person at your side, yeah i sound mushy to my own ears but i think that is what love makes you.
When i lost my parents i thought there will be no one in this world who could love me and i stopped believing in love, i stopped looking for companionship, i was on my own, i was my own support system my own source of protection and my own source of care. It was best for me to save my heart from any further hurt of being broken.
Now i think about it, i wonder that maybe i was scared, scared to love somebody and then having them to leave.
But as the best layed plans are the ones which happen entirely as non planned, he entered my life like a thunderbolt, scaring the shit out of me when i couldn't control the pull i had towards him, he had such a charming and happy personality, it grew on me, i could not help it. After a really long time someone cared for me, made me feel protected, made me feel alive, again.
Coming out of the happy memories, i stared at my face again, not being able to wipe the grin off of my face. Of all the things in my life, i never thought i would propose a guy, i looked at the ring again and my heart fluttered, i couldn't wait to have my forever with him.
Picking up my bag from the table i went out of my apartment and hailed a cab, i was excited to reach the restaurant early, everything was perfect.
I was happy looking at people walking on the side walk, children giggling, even a crying toddler made me smile, damn, is this what love really is ?
It makes you love everything around you so much that you stop complaining?
It changed me for good and i could not wait to tell him all of this.
After all, he is the cause.
Reaching the cozy chinese place, we went on our first date as a couple, i sat at out usual place still in my happy trance, relishing and replaying the memories we had together.
Those brewed coffees in the morning, those movie marathons in pj's.
Him calling me beautiful even on my bad hair days. That glimmer in his eyes whenever we made love.
That fluttering in my heart whenever i saw him.
I guess it was ment to be, he saved me from drowning in sorrows but made me drown in his love instead.
It was like i was all time high.
The ting of the bell made me look up at the front door i saw him, wonder itched on his face, i never called him to meet me no matter how much time passed, no matter how much i missed him, i think maybe, maybe i was giving him time to leave? i think i am still changing and have a long way to go starting from today.
I got up when he reached the table, moving towards him, lets break the tradition of never saying "i miss you" because i did miss him, so very much that i couldn't wait till our actual date in the evening i had to make sure that his feelings don't change, i was nervous how he must act what he might say.
The bell on the door sounded again making him turn around towards the door. Relief i could see it on his face, looking at the girl who just entered he was relieved, she was sweet girl, short but sweet, you could tell that with a single look in her direction, she was like an angel, calm and collected and i spotted the same glimmer in her eyes that i saw in the reflection of the girl in the mirror earlier.
It was hard to miss and i was no fool.
I was a broken piece he had thought he failed to put together.
But he was wrong, so wrong but i could not tell him this before he smiled at the girl and looked back at me, embarrassed , reaching for my hands he made me sit and began,
" i love you or i might say i loved you, i really did, when i first met you, you were like a lost kitten in the world of tigers and i wanted to protect you, it was my first instinct but then i got to know you and had the privilege of falling in love with you, but, there is only so much a person can do alone,you did not show your feelings, you never appreciated my doing, even if you did you never said that to me, i would often feel you did not love me back but i kept on trying harder and harder to break that shell of yours, to climb the wall if i could not break it, for you to let me in, but you never let that happen but i was charmed by the good in you, it held me in place, by your side, but slowly i started to see, you didn't care about what i did, you could not understand me or my feelings and i felt like i was alone in this relationship working to getting myself accepted and there was only so much i could do, that is when i met her, she liked me for who i was and never failed to show it, she understood me like you never could, i am sorry, i hate to say this but its not me, its you."
Thunderbolt, yes he was a thunderbolt because i am sure lightning struck me after what he said, i clutched the blue velvet box tight in my grip, tears pricked at the back of my eyes but i could not let myself cry, not in front of him.
"I understand". I whispered, moving to peck the side of his cheek one last time, i closed my eyes, my mind stuck in a whirlpool,
"I will always be here, if you need me" i whispered my parting promise, and started to move towards door.
I could remember the time when you knocked at my door at 2 am because you were worried of getting no response to the texts because actually i fell asleep texting, i remember opening the door still in my sleep, i remember that bone crushing hug you gave me and i remember watching the stars that night together talking about all the good things in life, cuddling, sipping hot chocolate and being us.
I remember our first kiss, when your lips lingered in front of mine not touching unsure of how i might react, and i remember the sweet kisses that followed after i kissed you stating what i wanted.
I remember you taking care of me when i fell and broke my ankle, never leaving my side for the world. And those roses you brought for me everyday. You showered your love on me,whenever i was with you it was like a rollercoaster ride and the feeling of living life was on the peak,I remembered all these things but what i could not remember was me doing all or any of them for you, i guess it explains what we are today, after all there was only so much you could do. A loud honk brought me out of my trance, and before i could do anything i went flying down somewhere, i remember people rushing to me, when my eyes started to droop, the only thought in my mind was i could not keep my promise to you, and everything went black.
~
(Somewhere in the world)
Congratulations, its a girl.❤
