I began to play ukulele and guitar because I was lonely.
Yes, loneliness drove me towards a craft and I'm grateful for it.
The more people I meet and get to know the lonelier I realize I am, or at least feel.
Its hard not having someone just stay and care for you.
I've spent years being there for others, needed.
And when the times comes around when these people grow up and learn to be their own person, it hurts to watch them need someone else more than you.
It seems that you become one of the loneliest people on earth when you're not needed.
Lately, I've been needing to be needed by one person. Just one. I don't need thousands...or even two. Just one.
Also, with this loneliness I've been learning that people are shit. Yes. Shit. Even me. But I just need someone who will be shitty with me and not judge me.
I do not know why God had not wiped us out so long ago. None of us can love the way he does. None of us can truly love him back with complete and wholesome love.
We are that freakin' crappy. I would have wiped out every human if I were a god/goddess.
We are truly freakin' shitty, man.
God is the only one who can pull through it all.
How can one desire the love of another human being but not believe that it exists?
I can and it sucks.
I do not believe there is anyone out there but God.
I don't believe in soul mates.
I don't believe in romantic love.
I do not believe in opening up to someone.
My pain is mine and mine alone.
No human can help me...not a single person. God maybe, but not people.
I'll be there when you need me to, but I don't believe in you to be there for me.
It seems that every person I meet always cares just a little bit more for someone else.
It can be themselves...it can be a significant other...it can be their career.
I kind of wish someone would just care for me, wholeheartedly not half-assedly.
But that's never going to happen because people are just...plain and simple...shitty.
4/1/2018
Written by Veronica Taryanik.
