I'm in front of the sea , i can easly jump down and fall in all thoses rocks and will probably(I hate uncalculated things and probabliity) die but wait...
I'm a guy from Morocco ( Afriqua) ,I just turned 20 years old, and everything in my life is wrong...
From the beginning, I was born by many 'defaults' if I can presume. My last name is composed by 4 long words and my first name is so commun . Imagine the pain of having a 5 words in your name and each day i'm suffring from it. That was the first default , the second one is that both my parents don't have good 'ADN' , I'll explain : My mother is so short , my father have a long nose ( his mother too , so basicly it's in our ADN,and I'm the only one who have a long nose between my 2 other brothers), they have both black eyes,my father is so skinny ,both my parents have a bad kind of hair ( really short and not cool at all). Thoses was the 'defaults' I was born with , basically , I could say I had the worst start in a Life...
Nevermind , even with all thoses defaults , I survived 20 years without trying to suicide . A lot of you will probably say that this is kind of a 'normal' life , but when your parents are poor and I had an excelent mark in my highscool finals that allows me to have acces to the best college in my country ( My parents were proud but not me , you'll underestand later... )
I joined that college at the age of 18, the specifity of that college is that you have 2 ways to acceed to it , the first , your parents are rich as f*ck ( sorry for the word...) or you have to be between the best in the high school finals of your country. Obviously I was the second case...
I can't describe the feeling of my parents when they heard that I succeded to have acces to this college, but in my inside , I was worried that this could be my biggest mistake if I join it due to 2 reasons : I look ugly(obviously, wait i'll just describe myself now : I'm short , bad hair , my eyes are worst than my parents , i'm skinny , I have a huge lips for a man... , and I always dress bad ( I never ask my parents for money to get dressed , I know they spend everything for us to eat and sleep...).As a human , the only thing that I'm proud of ( used to...) is my brain , and trust me it's not a fucking ADN thing , I train my brain a lot in Mathematical thing and learning other languages. I think it's normal for an ugly and poor guy like me...
It's time to decide now wich college i have to choose,my parents didn't even asked me wich one I'll choose, cause that college was the best... but not for me ! I'm poor and I look ugly and that college is reputed to allows you to find a work after for 100% ( the finals exames are so easy too...)!! , so the students were always drinking and partying ( And I hate this , even I wish i was doing it...) THIS COLLEGE WAS NOT MADE FOR ME !! But , I can't make a decisions that will make my mum crying , she telled me that her dream was one of her sons to join that college... I finally joined , that was the FIRST TIME that I did something I was not , me and my brain , agreed to do it. My brain said you shouldn't join cause i can't train it him more... but my heart said I can't make my mums dream falling down.. You can't Imagine how much I regret listeing to my heart , It's too late now.
In this college ( In Morocco , I think it's different from other countrys , that college last only 2 years cursus , so I had to study for only 2 years, in opposite of others that you should study 5 years)(you know now why it's expansive...), I spent the first 3 months alone , i couden't find a friend to talk to... I will rather say that I choosed it , because I declined many request to party or to have drinks... They tought I was arrogant for not WANTING TO PARTYING neither drinking, I felt it , but now I'm shure that I screwed up my life by choosing that college. My life completly changed, I had no more intention to work anything the professors told us , so instead of working the programm classe , I learned english and spanish in thoses 2 years ( english just 6.5 months now ) , I can speak 4 languages now( frensh and arabic too...). The final exams cames and I didn't wrote anything in my papers , my brain refused to do it , completly , this time I listened to it , and I don't regret this. My brain is my only friend now...
My parents knew that I screwed up my years so I have to do it again , they was so shocked because I failed my year cause I was always majoring my years of studies ( I didn't told them I didn't wrote anything in my paper...).Nevermind , I found a better solution : Suicide . I'm fed up with this life , I'm gonna plane a way to die , I just have to be shure that it will work cause I can't stand to continue this life in this way ... I'm gonna find the first dimension of this life.
P.S 1 :*I'm gonna stop now I reached 1K words , so If you liked my story just tell me in comment if you want to know the afterwards ( yeah soon...) , and i'll write a part 2 *
P.S 2 :**English is my 4th language, if there's any incoherent words just forgive me , I'm doing my best to transmit the meaning**
