The story of Indica

Ever since I was a little girl, I never had friends. I was "not a normal child". Nothing bad, I was just..well...weird. I grew up in a small town, lots of family members. Growing up no one wanted to play with me, even my cousins or siblings. I was teased by them, I was always to hyper or too crazy. I met my great grandpa (not that I didn't know him but I saw him differently for the first time). After that day my grandpa and I became really close. I was his little angel. He meant the world to me, nothing could break us apart. When I got old enough I started sleeping over at his house. Every weekend I was over there. My older sister Deja slept over at my cousin ambers house, which was next door to my grandpas. I would sit inside and watch them okay an mess around. I would get tired of watching them so I would go outside and ask to play with them. They would turn away, and ignore me. I would run inside and sit on my grandpas lap and start crying to him. He would bring me into the kitchen and look me in the eyes and tell me, "you don't need them they're nothing but trouble and they are not worth you're time." He would turn around and reach behind him and grab his cookie jar. That always made me happy. I would reach my hand in the jar and the lion would say "get your hand out of my cookie jar" and than it would ROAR. It always made me laugh. When I turned around the age of 9 or so, I herd about all of my grandpas stories.

One day my sister and I was doing the dishes and talking about sex because one of my relatives were pregnant. My grandpa asked us what we were talking about, so we told him. Later that week I went and stayed the night with him. Hoping it was going to be like every other night I did; but this night was different. My grandpa and I was sitting at his tiny table playing war, we finished the game. He asked me if I wanted 20 dollars, being a kid, I said yes. He than said well if you want it, it's gonna cost you. I asked him what he wanted me to do. He answered with a straight and serious face saying "I want you to have sex with me" I said "grandpa I'm only 9 that's wrong." He grabbed me by the hand and pushed me onto the floor. He pulled down his pants, and layer on top of me. I don't really remember the rest of that night except for screaming "HELP" "MOM" "MOM" "MOM" "HELP" and than afterwards my grandpa yelled at me to go clean up. I walked upstairs into the bathroom crying wiping his cum off of me. I didn't tell anybody about this night. I didn't want to ruin what I had with my grandpa. He meant everything to me. I didn't want to lose my one and only friend.

That night wasn't the only night my grandpa took advantage of me. there was many more. He made me touch his thing in his chair, he raped me on his wife's bed, he made me do it in my room over there. It was non stop. I didn't know any better so I kept going over there, it kept happening. Finally when I turned 12 I stopped going over there. On June 1, 2011 he died at 7:00 pm. I haven't seen him for two years. I sat there in his dead cold lap crying saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't come over, I wish I could see you, I need you grandpa" I was pulled off of him by the police. I never saw my grandpa again. A couple months after his funeral I told my sister what had happened to me. She didn't believe me at first. Than I started balling, which I haven't done since his funeral. A couple years later, I moved to a different state. The people at school didn't like me. I was too quite. In high school, I got louder. Felling more comfortable. Everyone started calling me a crack addict or a heroine addict a meth addict or a pot head. I'm none of those things. Every guy I have dated has called me a prude because I won't do anything with them. The one girl I did date, I did something with her, and it made me want to cry, it brought up memories of my grandpa; raping me. I couldn't handle it. I stopped seeing my girlfriend and everyone. I didn't talk to anyone, I stopped showing up for school. I started cutting. I started burning myself. Piercing myself. I tried anything that would get me away from my life. Than I ended up with pot. I smoked some and liked it. So I smoked it for a whole year straight. It helped a lot. I started drinking, smoking cigarets, I was on cough syrup every day, I was doing a whole lode of drugs.  anything that got me high.