I met this girl.
She is pretty. She is lovely. She's a lawyer. Yes, she is that feisty. But hey, she is not to me.
We are bestfriends. Wait, we were bestfriends. I can say that we were inseperable.
I remember the days when she's still with me. When I was a jerk not realizing she is the one for me.
I was a jerk. An asshole perhaps.
I was a jerk for taking her for granted.
I was a jerk for not seeing her worth.
I was a jerk for letting her go.
Yes. I let her go.
I let my sun go, and that made my world dark.
Yes. I let her go.
I let my moon go, while counting the stars I have.
Yes. I let her go. I let the love of my life go, beacuse I was a jerk blinded by the fear of love inside me.
When she asked me, "Tam, if I leave, would you let me?"
And that was a shit of me, answered, "Why would I not let you? Of course I would. It's your life you are dealing with."
And she cried.
I thought that time, why she cried was because of happiness. Happy because finally, she can go. She can go because nobody is stopping her.
And who am I to stop her, right?
She said that in three weeks she'll finally go. To a place where she can start her new life.
I thought, if she would leave because she'll start a new life, then why would she not start making a new life here, here with me?
Because you are a jerk, hurting her. Taking her for granted. And hurting her, and hurting her, hurting her...
Atleast my mind knows that I am. And I was mad. Mad at myself.
Mad because I keep on hurting her.
That's why I made a plan.
A plan that I did not know would ruin my life. My life..
Before I met her, I would jump on one girl to another. And when she came into the picture, I suddenly don't understand myself why I just behave and just be with her.
I was a dumbass because I used her. Used her for my needs. Well who can I blame? I have needs too. And lucky me, she willingly and volunteerily gave herself to me.
So selfless. Even if she knew that it'll be her who'll be affected and broken in the end.
She loves me that much. And I hate myself for not being deserving for her.
She offer me a type of relationship that we both know the real score between us. We were fuck buddies. To me.
I know that, for her, was not.
But I don't care. Until now..
Sometimes we were protected but mostly, we were not. I know. Stupids. I wasn't aware and was not really expecting the possibility of her carrying our baby.
But no. Almost three years of being fuck buddies? I can say, we were lucky.
Well, in my case today that she is no longer here with me, I really hope that she is pregnant with my child.
So that she will come back to me and start a family.
But, no.
We're not like any other stories when the girl comes back with a baby. Cliché.
