As Long As I Can (Larry one shot)

Part 1

All that I can remember was standing there, head down staring at the mushy, cold, wet ground. My freezing hands shoved in my coat pockets. Not giving myself any strength to look up. The splashes of cold raindrops repeatedly hit the back of my neck. A sensation that until this day makes me shiver with the feeling of sickness in my stomach, regret, complete anger, and sadness. The sharp icey breeze blowing past me, whislting, a terrible harsh sound. Finally I chose to lift my head from the muddy ground and all I could see were people every which way huddled closely against one another, morbidly dressed in dark colors. The little sounds of sobbing and sniffling. Everyone holding each other as if that was going to fix what had happened, but nothing, not anything could ever fix it. I glanced to my left and hated myself for the sight I allowed myself to see. Liam with his arms wrapped tightly around Niall, who had his head hard against Liam's chest. His cheeks were flushed rosey red and his eyes squeezed tightly together while the rain quickly mixed in with his tears rolling down his warm cheeks. Liam's face remained strong and serious, but he looked as though he could break at any moment. He always tried to stay strong for us, and it hurt me to watch him hold back the tears I knew he needed to let go. Not being able to bear the sight of them any longer i quickly turned my head to the right, only to make myself feel sicker. I saw Zayn, just standing there, both arms hanging sadly by his sides. He was biting his bottom lip hard and I could see the tears streaming down his face uncontrolably. I had never seen him this torn up before and that's when I felt the lump in my throat only continue to grow. I then decided to give myself enough courage to look at what I had been avoiding and it hurt. It hurt so bad to stand there and have to look at the casket., and still all i could do was stand there and stare at it. I wanted to look away. No, I wanted to run away. I wanted to tell myself that this wasn't real, it couldn't be real, but when i felt the pain in my chest I was quickly shoved back into reality. My breaths getting shorter and the tears welling up in my eyes once again, getting my last look i will ever see of him again. and still, the pain wasn't going away. it stayed just like the the tears i was fighting back until i blinked fast and they didn't stop, as they lowered him deeper into the dark ground forever. Rain was coming down harder now, and I'm still just standing here, choking on my tears and my heart falling to peices. Now he was gone, too far in the ground to see him. Everyone slowly walking away in complete greif, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I knew it was Liam but I jerked my shoulder away from his tight grip. I knew that was a sign that it was time to go. The rain continually getting heavier, but after a few seconds of silence i knew he had walked away to leave me be. I wanted Louis back, I wanted him with me right now. I wanted the dark clouds to disperse and the sun to slowly peak out from around the corner. I wanted to turn around and see him standing there, giving me one of his cheeky half smiles. His blue eyes staring right back into mine letting me know everything was okay. Wrap his strong arms around me in a warm, firm hug, one of his hugs that would give me that tingling feeling in my lower stomach...but he was gone. My body was completely numb and aching terribly at this point  "Please don't leave me." I whispered in a low, soft tone. I stood there longer and longer until i couldn't anymore and I fell fast down to my knees. My face buried in my hands and my knees on the ground, that's when the hurt came back even stronger than before, and at that very moment I knew would never go away.