Captain Canary One Shots

Sanity

Ayee! I'm back with some angst. You know I had to do it to 'em. 

SUMMARY: "You act like it's a bad thing for us to be together. Maybe it is."

"Len?" Sara hesitantly drew closer to the figure hunched over, whose hands were gripped firmly on the rail in front of him. His shoulders were contracted together, indicating the tenseness in his back.

"I can't do this."

A stroke of fear flashed through Sara at the finality laced into his words. Dreading what he was inferring with his words, she waited a moments pause before she spoke. "By this, you mean us?"

The silence that immediately fell over the room was all the indication she needed.

"I don't understand." She shook her head as she spoke, moving closer towards him. "You're not making any sense."

"Nothing makes sense anymore." His voice was low and she had to strain to hear him.

"What are you saying?"

Once again her words were met with silence.

Slowly, she stretched her hand towards him, freezing midway and letting her arm drop limply at her side. "Len. Talk to me."

He remained tensed over at the rail. "None of this – you... me – makes any sense."

"What are you saying? We shouldn't be together?"

At her words he finally unglued himself from the rail, and turned around to face her. The smug mask of calmness and confidence he usually portrayed had been peeled off leaving his face bare. Her lips parted slightly as her throat instinctively went dry at the raw pain expressed so clearly on his face. Never before had she seen him look so vulnerable and it terrified her.

"That's crazy." She was surprised at the steadiness of her voice when she finally found it.

"Crazy?" Sara flinched momentarily as he barked out a dry, sarcastic laugh. "You know what's crazy? How all rational thought seems to escape me whenever you're concerned. How I would not hesitate to put you first, regardless of the repercussions."

At that moment in time, the reason for Leonard's disposition became clear as day to Sara. "This is about today, isn't it?"

He didn't answer the question, but he didn't need to. She already knew the answer. "I'm not emotional. I'm level-headed; focused. When I have a job to do, that's all that matters and I don't let anything throw me off. It's just me and the job, but today... I was distracted."

"Len-"

Anger was beginning to cloud his eyes, but she knew it wasn't anger at her, but for himself. "I put you first and not only put the mission at risk, but everyone on our team."

Emotionally unable and unwilling to hear the heavy guilt and pain threaded into his voice, she spoke up, her voice desperate, "Leonard, stop."

A laugh identical to the one he'd let out hardly minutes before sounded from him as he continued. "That's not even the worst part. Do you want to know the worst part?"

She remained silent, internally longing – begging him to stop talking, but knowing he wouldn't.

"I'd do it again."

Completely lost for words, she remained mute.

"And I can't live with myself knowing I would. Maybe before, but not anymore."

Sara's heart sunk to the pit of her stomach as a sudden wave of nausea consumed her.

"You're acting like it's a bad thing for us to be together."

"Maybe it is."