Who Knew I Needed You (Septiplier Fanfiction)

Holy shite........

Ik guys... ik.... I think you all deserve to kill me now. I abandoned ship for a bit, and I'm trying to get back into making stories and reading. Summer is in a couple months and I'll have more free time then.

Now for the explanation I owe you all.
*gets hit with a cactus* Yes... I deserve that too.

Around the beginning of the school year (September) I started to feel bad all the time... I wasn't as happy as before. I started not being able to find the joy in things I used to like, I was tired all the time and didn't understand the purpose of getting out of bed in the morning. It stayed that way for months on end. Hell, I still feel that way. Mostly, I feel emotionally numb all the time... and there were nights I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to kill myself but knew I couldn't.... which ik.. that's brash.

Why would that stop me from updating you ask?

I decided I needed an outlet for my emotions. I tried to think of everything I could do without including other people.... and one night I decided to cut... I cut almost every night for months on end because that was the only thing that brought me any joy really... :/
Long story short, my friends WHOM I TOLD NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY CUTTING DECIDED IT WOULD BE A PEACHY IDEA TO GO TELL HE SCHOOL COUNSELORS ABOUT ME. in my school, counselors are required to call you parents about things that you get in trouble for or should concern them in general. Ik my parents better than anyone. I've brought up people in the schools around me that killed themselves and they just shake their heads and call them stupid.
The counselor told me she WOULD NOT call my parents, but instead would talk to them at lunch the next day. I got in my car and suddenly... RING RING!
My parents didn't pick the phone up but when they got home they checked the number and asked me and my bro if we had gotten in trouble. I was terrified. I denied seeing or talking to the counselors and told them to wait until tomorrow cuz maybe they'd hear something.... this sounds cliche guys but it really happened... I went into the bathroom and had a full on panic attack....
my mom didn't want to let it go so she looked the woman up and showed me her picture and gave me the a serious look when she asked if I'd talked to her today. I'm a terrible liar guys.... I just stared at my parents before they figured out I was hiding something. Then they screamed at me to tell them what I'd done. How the FUCK was I going to explain this?

You know how when you panic and start crying your throat clenches up and you get hiccups and can't talk clearly? That happened to me when I tried to talk to them.

Now just imagine trying to tell your very strict parents who think cutting and depression is total bullshit that you cut yourself an uncountable number of times while you choke on your own fear and they scream and throw stuff at you. I wanted to die right then. Honest.

My mom asked me if she left the house if I would tell my dad instead, so I said yes and she drove off in a fit of rage... then I tried my hardest to explain to my dad what happened with me while my asshole brother stood there trying to get involved when it wasn't any of his fucking business!!!

Long story short pt. 2, my parents yelled at me some more while calling me an idiot, stupid etc. and telling me if I ever did it again I was in trouble, they'd get me a counselor etc. etc. etc.

Then they decided that taking away my electronic rights was a SMART thing to do... cuz ya know... being able to talk to your friends or watch videos to calm down outside of school is apparently a bad thing :/

And that's how I got my iPad taken away for a couple months and they watched my every move on it whenever I went online. Until now. Things have calmed down and i have my stuff back.

I know I probably sound like I'm bitching, which in all honesty, I am. But I figured I'd give an honest explanation for why o haven't been on wattpad for a long ass time. People out in the world have things way worse than I do, which is why I never brought anything up before because I'd sound like an ass, and ik I sound like one now but stick with me for a sec.

I'm so so so so so so so so sosososososososossosososososososososososo sorry guys :(

I'll try to come online more during the summer, and for that matter, whenever I can until school is out in August. Please forgive me. And I'm sorry about venting onto you all so suddenly. Recalling that event makes me feel sick to my stomach still... I was the most stressed that day than I've ever been in my entire life.... eh....

Anyways... Im sorry guys..... I love you all, my lovelies. And thank you for over 1000 reads!!!!

I'm sorry this wasn't a new chapter! :( I really am...

Thank you guys for sticking with me for thing long... I'm forever grateful 💚❤️💚❤️