where the boats go | j. lewis

FOUR | DM

Clary's heart crashed to the soles of her feet.

She had been brushing her teeth, preparing for the upcoming Monday—which, by the way, she was slightly depressed about—golden hair damp and pulled into two tight braids. Music had been playing on her Bluetooth speaker, until a notification broke through the tune. She had glanced at her phone, expecting a text from her mother telling her to turn the volume down—but instead found herself gasping so violently that she swallowed her toothpaste.

Clary choked and spluttered, leaning over the sink in a desperate attempt to get the thick minty paste out of her throat. Of course, she was unsuccessful, like she most often was.

Part of her was afraid to look at her phone. She had seen Judah Lewis's name involved in a notification informing her that she had received a new Instagram message. But it could not be real. She only desired to save herself the eternal disappointment of finding a scare account, so she first composed herself as best she could, repeating the words in her head: "It isn't actually him."

Clary extended trembling fingers, placed her toothbrush in her mouth to keep her teeth from chattering, and picked up her phone from the back of the toilet. She was squinting her eyes, as if she were fighting just to keep her eyes open.

　
(clarissarockland): judah_lewis: Hi :)
　

No. Fucking. Way.

It took Clary several minutes to touch her phone again, after she had thrown it against the wall. Nothing had broken, thanks to her protective case, but at this point, she couldn't have cared less.

When Clary grabbed her phone again, she clicked into the message, only to go to the boy's profile.

Verified.

Clary felt extremely faint as she managed to type a reply. Of course, she injected none of her true emotion into the message.

　
hey!
　

She'd almost added, you made me swallow my toothpaste, but quickly decided against it.

Shaking terribly, Clary clicked the power button of her phone and, with it clutched tightly against her chest, slid down the wall. Her heart was thrashing wildly against her chest, trying to beat itself out, and Clary's mind was whirling. She felt dizzy with elation, though it was difficult to comprehend that it was real.

A breathless grin spread across her face, and suddenly she was giggling. At least she wasn't screaming, like she truly, truly wanted to.

Less than a minute passed before the second notification bell sounded. Clary steeled herself, giving herself a moment to take several, several deep breaths, before she checked her screen. Needless to say, it was another DM from Judah Lewis.

It felt so crazy to carry such a thought. Oh, yeah, the Judah Lewis messaged me... needless to say.

　
judah_lewis: Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to thank you personally for suggesting You. I know I'm being a little over the top, but it's a really good song

　
Another notification bell. Before Clary could even force her shaking fingers to unlock her phone, another message popped onto the screen.

　
judah_lewis: I actually listen to it all the time

　
Again, Clary needed to give herself many moments before she could muster the strength to reply. Her body was buzzing with excitement, and her bones felt like jelly.

　
oh, well, it was no problem, really.
it's my favorite song, so i wanted
to share it

thanks for actually listening to it.
i didn't think you would

　
This time, he responded almost immediately.

　
judah_lewis: You shouldn't be thanking me, but if that's what you really want to do, then you could make do with more song suggestions...

judah_lewis: Sorry, that sounds weird, I know. It's just that I think I'd like your taste in music, and I'm always looking for new music

judah_lewis: You don't have to, of course. It's only if YOU want to

　
Holy shit.

Clary gaped at her phone. He had triple-texted her—or triple-DM'd, it didn't really matter, but he did—

Already she was trying to sift through her mind for all of her favorite songs. Alas, none came to mind. She couldn't focus on a single thing, other than the fact that Judah Lewis was actually speaking to her, and she wanted to throw herself into a brick wall and scream until her lungs burst—

Clary had to remind herself, in a fleeting moment of clarity, that Judah was a human being, just like she was. That behind the silver screen and the fame, he was only a boy. He breathed and bled like she did, and so she tried to force herself into that mindset only.

She released a shaky breath. She was shaking all over. Clary knew that Judah was a normal person and would respect him as such, but she couldn't rid herself of the excitement. She had felt so in love with him for so long.

　
it's a deal, then (:

but we have a bit of the same
music taste. i know you like alt
and rock already, but i like other
things too, like electronic and
shit i can't even put a genre to,
lmao

　
judah_lewis: Hit me with everything you got.

　
you're gonna regret that 😈

　
Clary was trying to act cool, and she knew that she was failing miserably. She had a feeling that Judah was going to change his mind, and her stomach churned harshly.

　
judah_lewis: I don't think I will :)

　
She began typing her response when the sound of her mother's shouting distracted her. It was then that Clary realized that she was not even close to being ready for school, and she had ten minutes to be there.

"Shit," Clary grumbled, but not even being late to school could dampen her mood. Her mother might have been able to do the job with her yelling— Well, no, not even then. Clary felt invincible.

　
hey, i'm late for school. i'll dm you
later with some songs. be ready

　
judah_lewis: I'll be waiting! Get to school and make good choices 😂

　
And, because Clary wanted to see his name every time she glanced at the message later, she did not respond.

　
|

　
i'm aware that it took me six months to update, and i'm sincerely sorry.
　

07.07.18