I woke up from a nightmare last night. Well, it wasn't a nightmare, more of a sad dream. A realization? I don't know...
Either way - A wedding. I don't know the girl he was marrying but I know him. He was kind of the love of my life.
In my dream, he married someone else. I wonder why he invited me. To make me jealous? To see me give him a polite fake smile one last time? To say goodbye?
In my dream, I looked down at the empty glass. I don't even know what I was drinking. There are only three things that I can remember clearly from my dream. His smile, how he looked at her and how I felt.
I've felt like that before. The day I told him I love him. He seemed shocked but I doubt he actually was. 10 months of torture - if not more. 831,9 km apart but also 10 years apart. What was I thinking?
So here I am, Sitting on my bed staring at the wall, Thinking about everything and nothing at all.
His smile. It's not only cute but it genuinely felt real. It's just something about it. Maybe it's his dimples? I remember when he used to give me that smile but - now that I think about it, It probably wasn't as real as I thought it was. He didn't smile like that when he looked at her. His eyes lit up. He smiled with his eyes. He looked so happy with her - without me.
I was just a toy in his eyes. I realized that pretty early on but I refused to believe it, I still do. Everyone said "He's just using you" but I know he wasn't... or maybe that's just my imagination.
Willy-nilly, He doesn't love me.
//Celeste
